I heart Canada

Wow! What a way to finish the winter Olympics this year with the men's hockey game between Canada vs US! I'm definitely proud to be Canadian. Not that I wasn't before but I found it quite inspiring to see everyone uniting to cheer on our fellow citizens.

One thing I know for sure, I couldn't do this every year! The stress from that game was intense and I'm sure everyone else felt the same way. And, not only did we win GOLD for the men's hockey but we also broke the record with the highest amount of gold medals won surpassing the USSR in 1976 (thanks, Hope, for the tidbit).

Although I didn't watch much of the Olympics I did enjoy watching the women and men's hockey games.

Good job Canada. Job well done eh? I'm glad we were able to create some humour in the final ceremonies in regards to the malfunctions in the opening ceremonies and also our habitual statements like 'I'm sorry' or 'eh'.

Things to do today

6am - Wake up and eat some yogurt so I don't faint when I workout
7am - Workout in the NW
815am - Go to the deep SW to prep for a painting job tomorrow
10am - Do two loads of laundry, check email, scarf something down (in SE)
Noon - Nail appointment
2pm - Prep for another paint job I have tomorrow (in New Discovery)
3pm - Pick up paint for job tomorrow (near Mardaloop)
4pm - Meet with another client to discuss options for her bedroom colors (deep South)
7pm - Go to Book party that I was invited to.

If I don't make it to the party it is due to the fact that I worked 10hrs yesterday, was exhausted and running around today.

I'm tired just looking at my list.
Busy but I guess that's how I roll.

Where less guilt lies

I'm beginning to dread Sunday nights. I don't want to but it is turning out that way. Not because I'm helping out with the teens. Far from it, however, tonight there could've been less drama.

What I'm referring to is the situation with my mother. As stated in previous posts, her health is declining and she seems to be deteriorating faster as time goes on. A typical Sunday will be as follows: Go to church, phone my mom after service and chat for a few minutes, run some errands, go to Ignite at 5pm - 8pm and now (as of the past couple months) receive a phone call from my sisters in regards to the status of my mom. Although I talk with my mom and she may sound fine there are so many underlying issues that she doesn't want me to know about. Our conversations are short and typically the same topics. Weather, how my job is, if she went to church and how the sermon was and guarenteed she will need to confirm the time difference. I've been out here for 10+ yrs now and she still needs to know if she is ahead or behind me and by how much.

The struggle I have is more of what I am to do. How do I contribute to the situation to the best of my ability with being so far away and with as little guilt as possible? I've debated this issue time and again about whether to move back and it doesn't seem possible but how can I even take a few months to go there and do.....what? I feel like I'm useless in this situation and I can't take care of her even if I was there. Hence why we have her in a home. She is scheduled for her other knee surgery April 1 and once she is able to be released from the hospital my sisters and I have planned to put her in a home where it will be the last one she will go to (if you know what I mean). It's not like I can just move there. Move where? Start over there where the unemployment rate is high and people are just leaving their homes empty because they can't sell them since they had to split town. That area is built on the auto industry...and we know what has happened with that!

If I stay here but go back for a while I will still need to work to pay for my livelihood here even when I'm not actually living here (rent, car, bills, etc). I'm sure I can find some work there but most of the jobs I could find (since I had some opportunities the last time I was there) would be 4hrs away from my family. So really I'll be there. But. Not. And really my mom needs full-time care. I mean. Full-time. I've wanted to write my mom a letter a least or something but I know she's deteriorated alot when I have to ask her if she can still read. If anything I can send her pictures.

Then I think that I need to give this concern to the Lord. Tell Him, through prayer, my concerns yet some times I feel my faith is so small. So small. I have a hard time letting go and I'm not sure what my direction is. I know that He hears our prayers but then I struggle because I know I've said many a prayer and it's not like they gone unanswered. They've just been answered in a way that I wasn't expecting or didn't like. I guess that's where you really have a test of your faith when you stay faithful regardless of the outcome. It's easy to have faith when things turn out the way you had originally hoped. The barren woman who finally becomes pregnant or adopts. The single person who finally finds true love. (both situations are actual events of people that have happened within the last 3 months) But what about those who's prayers have been heard but God says 'no' or 'not right now' or 'I have other plans for you'????

What if I am to move back home? What if He wants me to stay here and continue what I'm doing because He has other plans for me?? What if He requires of me something that He knows I can do but I don't feel I am qualified to fulfill?? This is when I'm reminded of when Joshua became leader of the Israelite nation after Moses died. Joshua was qualified in God's eyes but He had to remind Joshua to not be afraid.

How can I not be afraid? In some ways I think it would be an easier way out if I was married and had children because then it would seem more 'acceptable' to say that I am unable to pick up and move. Sad but true. Ask yourself if you would pick up and move under the same circumstances. However, that isn't the case. My situation would allow me to pick up and move since I don't have dependants. The flip side to it is that I am my own support. I've all I've got when it comes to being responsible for paying my own bills. I feel like I'm being torn in regards to where my needs are to be.

See, just a cyclical chain of events that wear me out, make me cry and cause my eyes to be tired. I just wish my mom didn't have this disease. I wish I didn't have to see her deteriorate the way she is. Granted, I may not see it visually but I know what's going on and it saddens me. Selfishly I wish I didn't have to deal with this at this age and especially on my own. I don't know where I'm to be.

Off to bed. My head hurts from thinking in circles.

The Boring Life

Most of you know that I am a fan of watching The Bachelor/ette. I've been watching it since Deanna turned Jason down a few seasons ago. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I've gotten some friends hooked on it. I say unfortunately because they have gone the extra mile to not only watch the show but read all the 'spoilers' for it and now I am hooked on them too!!

Lately I've been reading Reality Steve's blog on all that he knows in regards to who is the final choice for this season's bachelor Jake. In one of his recent blogs or in a radio Q & A with Steve someone had mentioned that they are friends with one of Jake's ex's (probably a cousin to the sister of the friend...blah, blah, blah...you get my drift).

Anyway, her comment was that Jake is 'really boring'. She said that he never wanted to drink or party and just stayed at home, etc. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but when did boring get associated with not drinking? I rarely drink and have never been drunk but I think I can find fun in alot of situations. Gosh, I tell people I don't drink not because of religious views but more admittedly because I can do stupid and embarrassing stuff without the influence of alcohol. No joke. I love to laugh and when people find out I've never been drunk they will make a comment like, 'Man, you would be a hilarious drunk if you laugh this hard when you're sober.' Really?

And as far as partying, well, I used to go to clubs but that was back in the day and honestly, not much has changed since then. That's what I call boring. Show me something else that goes on that is different from 15 yrs ago and I might consider crossing that threshold but for now I'll stick to the social life I have outside of a bar.

I'm not going to go into too deep a conversation with all of this but I sort of found it funny that that is the association. Granted, I'm sure there is more to the statement than she has communicated in this Q & A but the bottom line to me is, I'd rather be boring and enjoy the blissful life I have.

Off to Fabricland. JK.

Inglewood Murder

***Warning*** Some of the things mentioned in this post may be graphic for the viewing audience.

The other night I was driving home around 830pm and as I was about to turn into my neighbourhood, I saw a police car with flashing lights blocking the road I needed to turn onto to get to my place. I had no idea what was going on and didn't want to ask any questions so I turned around and went around the back way to get to my condo. When I was in my place I could look out my bedroom window or go out onto my balcony and look at the 4 cop cars surrounding the place as well as the two mini-vans. They also had a portion of the street blocked off with police tape. I did go out on my balcony at one point to get a better view but could hear the police chatting about something but since I didn't want to eavesdrop so I went back inside. I still had no idea what was going on but thought they were just surrounding a house that had drugs or something. Who knows!

Since all of this was happening and didn't seem to be going away I went to bed but woke up at 4am to see that they were still out there and by the morning the news crew had joined them. Now I was really curious as to what was going on. Since that time I've read the newspapers and checked 660 News on the net to find out that there was a man who was brutally beaten up and later died in the hospital from a cardiac arrest (including the beating as well). It is believed that he was in his mid-30's.

As much as you hear stories like this and may not even give it a second thought I think since this one hits so close to home for me (literally) it has been on my mind alot. The street I live on isn't a busy street and with the facts given I've been throwing different scenarios in my mind of how the events took place. I think I can visualize it pretty well since I used to walk that path on my way to the bus stop when I worked at Black's Photography. At first I thought they most likely knew each other and the altercation just got out of hand. Either way, that's not the case. This was just a random incident involving two strangers.

Was the victim just taking a walk? I would probably think so since there isn't much around the neighbourhood unless he was going to the local convenience store. The poor guy had no idea that he was walking into his own death. Did the person committing the act do this for gang related initiations? Did he hide behind that big blue truck that has a bumper sticker in the window that says, 'I raised my truck cause fat chics can't climb.'? Yes, I am all too familiar with this area and so it won't leave my mind.

When I had first heard about what had happened the reports stated that he had some lacerations on his face and died later from a cardiac arrest. In my mind I was envisioning a few cuts on his face but the shock of the beating that took place caused the heart attack and death. Now, the papers are saying that he was cut so badly that police and other investigators are unable to recognize the man! They are now having to refer to dental records for the identification of the victim since no ID was found on him. Seriously?! To envision someone, pretty much, without a face is baffeling.

The newspaper stated today that the murderer just moved here from Red Deer and has 3 children! What?! What in the world would prompt anyone to commit such a horrible crime? Is something in your life that terrible that you need to feel compelled to put someone else's timeline in your hands?

Anyway, since I drive by the scene of the crime at least twice a day this has been on my mind. My heart goes out to the victim and his family. Such a tragedy for both the victim, their families and the young father of 3 who may regret this for the rest of his life.

Wordless Wednesday

One more sleep

To my dear friends, the Brown's, may you have safe travels and I will miss you guys. You have blessed not only me but our church family and many others throughout Calgary whether through work or school. Thanks for being a great example of what happens when you make the most of opportunities set before you.

Be blessed. I know I've been.