My mother is my twin

Yes that sounds like I should be on some tv talk show but it's the truth. The more I discover about myself the more I find myself like my mom. Aside from the fact that people comment how much we look alike (yes, she's a good looking lady!!), our personalities and quirks are more similar to the point of scary.

I was able to see my mom today for the first time since last Nov and some of it was hard to take, some of it was reassuring. The home she's in may not be the fanciest but at this point I am more concerned of her well-being and that she's taken care of more than whether there is a nice picture on the wall. The staff is so wonderful! When I first arrived to her room there were 3 staff around her; all men. Now that part we may not have so similar but I asked her why she didn't give me the tips on attracting so many men all at once! These men were as young as 28 and they all said they love my mom so much. They think she's the sweetest and cutest lady. Whew! Talk about playing favourite's or what...but I don't care. That's my mom and you can play favourite's with her all you want. In fact, the 28yr old (student) will come in on his days off to visit with the residents. You get a star in your crown from me buddy. Hats off to you.

The little nuance's or similarities that I noticed we share is as small as always having the need for kleenex to be around. Sounds crazy...but it's true. If you come to my house you will see Kleenex in every room of the house or maybe even two boxes in a room. My nose runs all the time. If I eat some thing hot, cold, room temperature, when I wake up, and especially when I cry. I say all that (not that it's gross) because my mom had to make sure she had a Kleenex box with her too even sitting in a wheelchair. She has one on each nightstand and one on her bed totalling 3 in a distance of less than 10 - 12 ft.

We have the same sense of humour, loud laugh, work ethic, personality, build, smile, faith, etc, etc. The list, I'm sure, could go on (farther than my actual twin; we are more opposite) but the older I get the more I see it. So, to see her fading the way she is literally breaks my heart.

Maybe this entry is more for a journal than for people but I'm writing it here anyway. I don't care, I love my mom and proud of it. She's slowly slipping away and I have no control over it. It saddens me to see how frail she is now and how much care she needs but it also encourages me that her sense of humour can still shine through in little moments that I can still treasure. I mourn the days when I could call her on Sunday's after church which stopped not so long ago but I know those days are no longer. She can't even answer a phone or work a remote control any more. It saddened and humbled me when I had to floss and brush my mom's teeth tonight but her and I love it when we have clean teeth. Ahhhh, heaven in my mouth! (no joke)

I will confess on here though, that I didn't want my mom to see me cry so I held it in. I think I got a headache from pushing back the tears but they soon fell out when I left her tonight. Sorry to be down, I'm sure I'll have some funny stories to share with you some time but for right now I'm just trying to soak all of this in. I feel like a sponge wanting to refuse the rush coming at me; or at least put a filter on how much I receive at once. This is a learning process for me and maybe this will be my therapy. Aren't you lucky!?