The Upside of Anger

Years ago I saw this movie (The Upside of Anger) and although most people said they weren't really impressed with it, I found it actually quite intriguing. Intriguing enough to buy it as well. Whether their opinions reflected the plot or acting, I'm not sure but I learned a good lesson from the movie.

**Warning - Spoiler Alert** I plan to reveal the climax of the movie so if you would like to watch it without me spoiling it than I suggest you close this page down and wait (with eager anticipation, of course) till my next post.

The plot of the movie is that the main female character (played by Joan Allen) becomes a bitter woman when her husband apparently leaves her family and her, traveling with his Swedish secretary to her country. The beginning of the movie shows her trying to call or contact her husband but since there is no answer she assumes that he has left her. Since she is left with looking after her 4 teenage daughters all on her own she begins to depend on alcohol to numb her pain. She then becomes highly emotional - most of her emotions tend toward anger - and with the addition of her drinking problems, she will often have outbursts, both appropriate and inappropriate.

Throughout the movie there are different scenes where they show how the bitterness envelopes who she once was and the pain that exists inside her is washed over by numbing it with alcohol. Her relationships (especially with her daughters) become unhealthy and division is created and broadened as time and hurt grow longer.

The turning point in the movie is when some developers are excavating behind her house (sub-plot and not important to the point I'm trying to make) discover a body in the bottom of a well or creek. Upon discovering the body they look in the wallet of the deceased and realize that it is/was her late husband. It's at that moment when her mind starts to race and guilt fills her soul because of what she thought was the truth was actually what killed him. Whether or not he was having an affair with his secretary is watered down by the fact that her insecurities overshadowed any type of truth that could exist.

The lessons I learned from the movie run far deeper than a reel shining on a big screen. Maybe I like to find deeper meaning to stories but I think if people weren't thrilled about this movie than they missed the whole point. Some times, most times we tend to only look at circumstances/life/others/etc through our own eyes and become so self-involved in our own failures/insecurities/pride/etc that we make judgements on what we think is reality. We don't need to resort to anger because there is an upside. There is another story to be told, we just have to have the patience and humility to hear it.

I say all this because recently I've been exposed to a situation that woke me up from my own cloud of ignorance. In my last post I was commenting on the fact that this is 'wedding season' and how I felt like status updates on facebook were in-my-face when I have been struggling with that 'thorn in my side'. Recently, however, it was brought to light that some times things aren't as rosey as things may appear. By no means will I go into specifics because it really isn't my point.

Why I decided to post on this situation I came face-to-face with was because I am just as guilty as anyone else with expressing unnecessary feelings that are only a detriment to me based on my own assumptions and not reality. It sort of gave me a wake up call to realize that there are two sides to every story. Someone told me once 'don't judge your insides with someone's outsides' and it is so true. I've also been told before that a majority of the time when we are feeling angry it is usually ourselves we are mad at we just take it out on others. I wasn't sure if that statement was true or not but since then if ever I'm feeling angry I walk through my thought pattern and realize that, yes, a majority of the time it is myself who I'm most upset with. I can't control how others are but do have control over (and a responsibility of) my actions or reactions. Could the main character have chosen a better way to handle her anger? Of course! We all make decisions and regardless of the situation we are in it is how we handle it that is the true test of character. I'll take that statement to the grave for sure.

I could be angry (not recently anyway) at God and take it out on loved ones around me like the main character in the movie but what I have to realize is is that I can't look at what other's have been blessed with and compare it to what I feel God hasn't blessed me with. With marriage comes other sorts of 'work' that I haven't been exposed to. I've been blessed with other opportunities and other sorts of 'work' that some married folk would believe they've missed out on.

Things are not always as they seem and there is an upside to anger.