I heart Canada

Wow! What a way to finish the winter Olympics this year with the men's hockey game between Canada vs US! I'm definitely proud to be Canadian. Not that I wasn't before but I found it quite inspiring to see everyone uniting to cheer on our fellow citizens.

One thing I know for sure, I couldn't do this every year! The stress from that game was intense and I'm sure everyone else felt the same way. And, not only did we win GOLD for the men's hockey but we also broke the record with the highest amount of gold medals won surpassing the USSR in 1976 (thanks, Hope, for the tidbit).

Although I didn't watch much of the Olympics I did enjoy watching the women and men's hockey games.

Good job Canada. Job well done eh? I'm glad we were able to create some humour in the final ceremonies in regards to the malfunctions in the opening ceremonies and also our habitual statements like 'I'm sorry' or 'eh'.

Things to do today

6am - Wake up and eat some yogurt so I don't faint when I workout
7am - Workout in the NW
815am - Go to the deep SW to prep for a painting job tomorrow
10am - Do two loads of laundry, check email, scarf something down (in SE)
Noon - Nail appointment
2pm - Prep for another paint job I have tomorrow (in New Discovery)
3pm - Pick up paint for job tomorrow (near Mardaloop)
4pm - Meet with another client to discuss options for her bedroom colors (deep South)
7pm - Go to Book party that I was invited to.

If I don't make it to the party it is due to the fact that I worked 10hrs yesterday, was exhausted and running around today.

I'm tired just looking at my list.
Busy but I guess that's how I roll.

Where less guilt lies

I'm beginning to dread Sunday nights. I don't want to but it is turning out that way. Not because I'm helping out with the teens. Far from it, however, tonight there could've been less drama.

What I'm referring to is the situation with my mother. As stated in previous posts, her health is declining and she seems to be deteriorating faster as time goes on. A typical Sunday will be as follows: Go to church, phone my mom after service and chat for a few minutes, run some errands, go to Ignite at 5pm - 8pm and now (as of the past couple months) receive a phone call from my sisters in regards to the status of my mom. Although I talk with my mom and she may sound fine there are so many underlying issues that she doesn't want me to know about. Our conversations are short and typically the same topics. Weather, how my job is, if she went to church and how the sermon was and guarenteed she will need to confirm the time difference. I've been out here for 10+ yrs now and she still needs to know if she is ahead or behind me and by how much.

The struggle I have is more of what I am to do. How do I contribute to the situation to the best of my ability with being so far away and with as little guilt as possible? I've debated this issue time and again about whether to move back and it doesn't seem possible but how can I even take a few months to go there and do.....what? I feel like I'm useless in this situation and I can't take care of her even if I was there. Hence why we have her in a home. She is scheduled for her other knee surgery April 1 and once she is able to be released from the hospital my sisters and I have planned to put her in a home where it will be the last one she will go to (if you know what I mean). It's not like I can just move there. Move where? Start over there where the unemployment rate is high and people are just leaving their homes empty because they can't sell them since they had to split town. That area is built on the auto industry...and we know what has happened with that!

If I stay here but go back for a while I will still need to work to pay for my livelihood here even when I'm not actually living here (rent, car, bills, etc). I'm sure I can find some work there but most of the jobs I could find (since I had some opportunities the last time I was there) would be 4hrs away from my family. So really I'll be there. But. Not. And really my mom needs full-time care. I mean. Full-time. I've wanted to write my mom a letter a least or something but I know she's deteriorated alot when I have to ask her if she can still read. If anything I can send her pictures.

Then I think that I need to give this concern to the Lord. Tell Him, through prayer, my concerns yet some times I feel my faith is so small. So small. I have a hard time letting go and I'm not sure what my direction is. I know that He hears our prayers but then I struggle because I know I've said many a prayer and it's not like they gone unanswered. They've just been answered in a way that I wasn't expecting or didn't like. I guess that's where you really have a test of your faith when you stay faithful regardless of the outcome. It's easy to have faith when things turn out the way you had originally hoped. The barren woman who finally becomes pregnant or adopts. The single person who finally finds true love. (both situations are actual events of people that have happened within the last 3 months) But what about those who's prayers have been heard but God says 'no' or 'not right now' or 'I have other plans for you'????

What if I am to move back home? What if He wants me to stay here and continue what I'm doing because He has other plans for me?? What if He requires of me something that He knows I can do but I don't feel I am qualified to fulfill?? This is when I'm reminded of when Joshua became leader of the Israelite nation after Moses died. Joshua was qualified in God's eyes but He had to remind Joshua to not be afraid.

How can I not be afraid? In some ways I think it would be an easier way out if I was married and had children because then it would seem more 'acceptable' to say that I am unable to pick up and move. Sad but true. Ask yourself if you would pick up and move under the same circumstances. However, that isn't the case. My situation would allow me to pick up and move since I don't have dependants. The flip side to it is that I am my own support. I've all I've got when it comes to being responsible for paying my own bills. I feel like I'm being torn in regards to where my needs are to be.

See, just a cyclical chain of events that wear me out, make me cry and cause my eyes to be tired. I just wish my mom didn't have this disease. I wish I didn't have to see her deteriorate the way she is. Granted, I may not see it visually but I know what's going on and it saddens me. Selfishly I wish I didn't have to deal with this at this age and especially on my own. I don't know where I'm to be.

Off to bed. My head hurts from thinking in circles.

The Boring Life

Most of you know that I am a fan of watching The Bachelor/ette. I've been watching it since Deanna turned Jason down a few seasons ago. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I've gotten some friends hooked on it. I say unfortunately because they have gone the extra mile to not only watch the show but read all the 'spoilers' for it and now I am hooked on them too!!

Lately I've been reading Reality Steve's blog on all that he knows in regards to who is the final choice for this season's bachelor Jake. In one of his recent blogs or in a radio Q & A with Steve someone had mentioned that they are friends with one of Jake's ex's (probably a cousin to the sister of the friend...blah, blah, blah...you get my drift).

Anyway, her comment was that Jake is 'really boring'. She said that he never wanted to drink or party and just stayed at home, etc. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but when did boring get associated with not drinking? I rarely drink and have never been drunk but I think I can find fun in alot of situations. Gosh, I tell people I don't drink not because of religious views but more admittedly because I can do stupid and embarrassing stuff without the influence of alcohol. No joke. I love to laugh and when people find out I've never been drunk they will make a comment like, 'Man, you would be a hilarious drunk if you laugh this hard when you're sober.' Really?

And as far as partying, well, I used to go to clubs but that was back in the day and honestly, not much has changed since then. That's what I call boring. Show me something else that goes on that is different from 15 yrs ago and I might consider crossing that threshold but for now I'll stick to the social life I have outside of a bar.

I'm not going to go into too deep a conversation with all of this but I sort of found it funny that that is the association. Granted, I'm sure there is more to the statement than she has communicated in this Q & A but the bottom line to me is, I'd rather be boring and enjoy the blissful life I have.

Off to Fabricland. JK.

Inglewood Murder

***Warning*** Some of the things mentioned in this post may be graphic for the viewing audience.

The other night I was driving home around 830pm and as I was about to turn into my neighbourhood, I saw a police car with flashing lights blocking the road I needed to turn onto to get to my place. I had no idea what was going on and didn't want to ask any questions so I turned around and went around the back way to get to my condo. When I was in my place I could look out my bedroom window or go out onto my balcony and look at the 4 cop cars surrounding the place as well as the two mini-vans. They also had a portion of the street blocked off with police tape. I did go out on my balcony at one point to get a better view but could hear the police chatting about something but since I didn't want to eavesdrop so I went back inside. I still had no idea what was going on but thought they were just surrounding a house that had drugs or something. Who knows!

Since all of this was happening and didn't seem to be going away I went to bed but woke up at 4am to see that they were still out there and by the morning the news crew had joined them. Now I was really curious as to what was going on. Since that time I've read the newspapers and checked 660 News on the net to find out that there was a man who was brutally beaten up and later died in the hospital from a cardiac arrest (including the beating as well). It is believed that he was in his mid-30's.

As much as you hear stories like this and may not even give it a second thought I think since this one hits so close to home for me (literally) it has been on my mind alot. The street I live on isn't a busy street and with the facts given I've been throwing different scenarios in my mind of how the events took place. I think I can visualize it pretty well since I used to walk that path on my way to the bus stop when I worked at Black's Photography. At first I thought they most likely knew each other and the altercation just got out of hand. Either way, that's not the case. This was just a random incident involving two strangers.

Was the victim just taking a walk? I would probably think so since there isn't much around the neighbourhood unless he was going to the local convenience store. The poor guy had no idea that he was walking into his own death. Did the person committing the act do this for gang related initiations? Did he hide behind that big blue truck that has a bumper sticker in the window that says, 'I raised my truck cause fat chics can't climb.'? Yes, I am all too familiar with this area and so it won't leave my mind.

When I had first heard about what had happened the reports stated that he had some lacerations on his face and died later from a cardiac arrest. In my mind I was envisioning a few cuts on his face but the shock of the beating that took place caused the heart attack and death. Now, the papers are saying that he was cut so badly that police and other investigators are unable to recognize the man! They are now having to refer to dental records for the identification of the victim since no ID was found on him. Seriously?! To envision someone, pretty much, without a face is baffeling.

The newspaper stated today that the murderer just moved here from Red Deer and has 3 children! What?! What in the world would prompt anyone to commit such a horrible crime? Is something in your life that terrible that you need to feel compelled to put someone else's timeline in your hands?

Anyway, since I drive by the scene of the crime at least twice a day this has been on my mind. My heart goes out to the victim and his family. Such a tragedy for both the victim, their families and the young father of 3 who may regret this for the rest of his life.

Wordless Wednesday

One more sleep

To my dear friends, the Brown's, may you have safe travels and I will miss you guys. You have blessed not only me but our church family and many others throughout Calgary whether through work or school. Thanks for being a great example of what happens when you make the most of opportunities set before you.

Be blessed. I know I've been.

Dear Patroller Number 16

I would like to thank you for almost bringing me to tears today when I saw the wonderful blue ticket you left for me on my windshield. Actually, you should be thanking me that I am not writing this letter to you after I received it or you would've been hearing some choice words. However, since I found my surprise this afternoon I have had a chance to burn off some energy that would've been otherwise thrown in your direction.

Of course, I have to admit that I'm not sure who I'm more upset at, you or myself. You see, my luck with parking in the past year hasn't been top notch. What erks (?) me is that I did exactly what was told of me today. I parked my car, paid for my ticket, put it in my windshield and even came back just in time before it expired. But, of course, as I walked around to the front of my car there your letter sat. Soaking as it may be from the snow falling on it but still legible enough for me to read the violation I had committed:

'Failure to display valid receipt'

Arrrggghhh!!! Seriously?!

What makes it worse is that the time from when I purchased the ticket to when you walked over to my car was a sad 7 minutes. What? Do you just sit in the parking lot and hide until you know I'm officially out of the area before overcharging your ridiculous price!!?? Were you also hiding out waiting for my return to see my reaction too just for your own self-satisfaction?

Ugh!

You know, maybe if I made some more money and knew when my next paycheque would be I wouldn't be as miffed as I am. However, to know how hard I work for the $65 that you might consider 'chump change' frustrates me to no end. I admit that I made an error and can own up to that but $65!!!

With all that said, I hope you enjoyed your day today knowing that you have taken money from someone who made an innocent mistake. Sleep well, my friend. Karma is a kick in the pants! And please don't take any offence to this but I hope to never see you again.

Sincerely,
Your worst nightmare if ever our paths cross down a dark alley

0 - 22 in a flash

I've decided. After this past weekend I've decided that I really don't think I should have children. As my last post stated I spent this past weekend with the teens from our church. I feel like myself and the 3 other leaders birthed 22 teens in a matter of seconds. I went from being single in one moment to being responsible or being a somewhat caregiver to a bunch of hormone raging youth in the next.

We went to Pine Lake Camp and since there weren't too many of us we all stayed in the main building. We had a lot of fun on the weekend hanging out, singing, building igloos and creating memories (good and not so good). I had the opportunity to bond with some of the girls but overall get to know everyone on a different level.

At first I was a little hesitant to go because I was afraid of all the screaming and what the boys had in mind. It amazes me what they can come up with to do for fun. I guess it doesn't matter how secluded the environment is that you put them in, they will find a way to entertain themselves. I find it weird too that the boys will have a screaming contest....just for the heck of it. Weird but funny. There was one moment when I was sitting in the mess hall and one of the boys ran up to me and asked if I could watch him. What him do what? He said he was jumping off the balcony outside into a pile of snow. Eeek!! I'm so glad no one hurt themself!

Aside from the boys doing things they shouldn't be doing there was also the element of girls liking boys and boys checking out girls. In some ways I felt like I had to sleep with one eye open for fear of some of them sneaking off somewhere.

Oy! These are just some of the reasons why I don't think I should have children. I feel like I would be worried too much about what they are doing or aren't doing. I couldn't imagine being a parent because the anxiety and stress of it all would kill me. Of course, I'm saying this from the perspective of going from singledom to a teenage parent in lightspeed. You parents have at least 9 months to prepare for what is to come and spend the rest of your life adjusting to.

God bless you parents. The weekend was good and I'm glad for the memories.

Pre-Fire n Ice

This weekend I'm scheduled to go to the annual Teen Fire n Ice at Pine Lake Christian Camp. I've never been to this type of function so I'm not really sure what to expect. Well, I'm anticipating a bunch of screaming hyper-active teens who plan to stay up till all hours of the night while I might possibly be crying in a corner wishing I were sleeping (with one eye open of course).

Actually, this is my first year volunteering with the Ignite group and it's been better than I expected (no offence). I was expecting that I'd be quite annoyed with the craziness that happens but surprisingly (on my end) I have taken it with stride. Of course, there is the loud screaming and running around and insane personalities, that's a given but I'm more calm about it then originally thought.

If anything, I'm desiring to build relationships with these teens. There are some girls I've connected with already and it's been great. I just know that I'd like to be there for them if they need someone to talk to. If they don't want to talk with their parents or some other 'higher power' (ie. teachers, etc) in their life then I would hope that they could come to me.

Another thing which I find of great importance is that I hope these kids will continue their relationship with God and feel connected in our church once they move on from Ignite. I'm finding all too frequently that once they have graduated it's like they've been telaported (?)out of the church as well. Where have they gone?

Where have you gone young people? You are a part of our congregation. You matter. It may not seem like it but you do. We've probably let you down and that is our own mistake and I hope that we can do better for the next group of kids.

I hope that whoever reads this will take to heart these concerns that not only I have. May you be challenged to take that moment and encourage one of our young adults and make them feel welcome and a part of our church history.

The Invention of Lying

I watched the above-mentioned movie tonight starring Richard Garvis and Jennifer Garner. In a way it was sort of a corny movie but the curiosity got the best of me and I felt like sitting in front of the boob tube tonight. The movie was about a man named Mark (RG) who tells the world a bunch of 'lies' as to ease their minds of what to expect in the afterlife. I won't go into all the details of the movie but his original intent of his lies were to help his dying mother but when other people heard what he was saying to his mother they believed what he said to be true.

The love story intertwined in this movie is that he is in love with his best friend (JG) but she feels she can't love him based on his physical looks. She tells him that she can't love him because her genetic makeup would be far superior to his and it just isn't acceptable to societies standards. (The genuine honesty in the movie is quite funny and I couldn't imagine if we actually talked that way to each other. Quite harsh!)

The irony of the whole movie, from a christian perspective (well, mine anyway), is that what the movie was portraying as lies is actual truth and the truth, to societies standards, are actual lies. The lies he was saying was that there is a 'big man in the sky' and he will build a mansion for everyone (John 14:2). The truth they were believing was that they needed to be matched up with genetically gifted people to succeed in life and that the lead character was considered a loser because he was a short, fat man with a pug nose.

Seems our worldly perspective is distorted through our eyes.

What I also find interesting is that the other night I was reading 1 Corinthians 1:26-29.

Remember, dear brother and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important, so that no once can ever boast in the presence of God. (bold emphasis mine)

God chose this methodology so we would be clear that the power came from Him and not us. It also reminds me of the message in James 1 saying that we should be joyful in our suffering. To our human standards this doesn't make sense, just like it didn't make sense in the movie. However, what I have discovered from my own experience and in others lives is that when you are at your lowest point in life that is where you will find God (or the 'big man in the sky'). Of course, I think God is in our highest points too but I think we completely miss His presence in those moments. Some times it's pride or us just plain dwelling in our own self-righteousness that clouds His presence when we should be giving Him glory and praise in the good times. But it's in the not-so-good moments and when we feel alone that God is with us and we see Him more clearly.

Well, I feel like I'm going off on another tangent with the last part but it sort of ties in together.

Philippians 4:4

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Post Breakforth

Well, after a weekend of singing and soaking in I think it is understandable if alot of people who attended Breakforth wanted to relax today.

I had a great time this past weekend and especially getting to know more about the people I traveled with. I didn't realize Chelsey was so funny. We definitely had our moments and I loved it when she'd 'pretend' she was having a contraction to sort of let people move out of the way for her to get through the crowd. She didn't do it often but I hear she was a conversation piece...haha. Personally I think she should've milked it for all it's worth but she was a trooper. No wonder she's a mother...they can do just about anything!

I think the best class or lecture I went to was with Frank Peretti. He's quite an animated speaker but his message was really good too. I also attended a class taught by Shannon Etheridge who is a talented speaker and writer. One of the other classes I went to was on being co-dependant but after listening a while I realize I don't see myself as that type a person. I've had some people say that I have that personality type but after listening to this speaker this weekend I definitely don't see myself in that category at all. Or, should I ask, if you do think that I drain you emotionally and feel the need to be validated through you, then let me know. I think I feel the need for socialization and I thrive on relationships with people but I definitely don't think I drain people emotionally.

As much as the weekend is an encouragement and uplifting I know that some can come back home and slide down after such a high. I don't think I was on a 'high' so much but more reflective. I'd like to do more, even if I have wanted to say no to things. But more in the sense of focusing on relationships that mean a lot to me. First is my relationship with God. I know I need to work on my prayer life and daily Bible reading. Anything after that is a by-product of the relationship I have with Him. I'd like to be more intentional as well.

I think this weekend has helped stir up some things that I've been doing, sins I've been committing and giving me a repentant heart. Thankfully we are covered by grace. Not that it makes it easier for me to sin knowing that I will be forgiven. If that's the case I am missing the point altogether. God is a forgiving God and I need to be more forgiving and loving. And some days that's just hard to do but ....when God works through me by His grace (1 Cor 15:10), I know extraordinary things can happen.