2009

Ahhh, just a few more hours until a new year, a new decade, a new beginning. This year I've been able to learn a few things, succeed in some and fail in others. I know I have alot more to learn and thankfully there is more room to grow.

It's funny, I was just watching ET Canada and they are saying that they will be throwing the biggest party in the nation (in Niagara Falls). Wow! Biggest party in the nation? Cool. Then they mentioned that the big band names like Styx and Glass Tiger. Hmmmm.... really? Glass Tiger? I remember seeing them in Windsor when I was a kid and they were giving a free concert. Good to see nothing has changed with them....haha

Well, all the best to everyone and I hope to achieve some goals (aka resolutions). I won't tell what they are but all I ask is that you not ask me for any favors. ;-)

Party it up peeps!

One of my vice's

Tonight I went into Michael's to look for a specific book tonight and ended up finding a jewel. I didn't find the book I originally went in for but did walk out with a crossword puzzle book. When I saw it I couldn't believe a crossword puzzle book existed of this nature but it did and I got SO excited. It wasn't just any ol' crossword puzzle but it was one the People Celebrity Puzzler. Oh ya baby! I'm so happy.

I know that sounds crazy and silly but its true. If you know me, I love celebrity sleeze and one of the gifts that the Pawlaks gave me was a couple tabloid mags. And really, I could've been content with that alone but such was not the case. If ever you want to cheer me up buying me a People or Us magazine would put a smile on my face and you might even hear a gasp.

Again, you might shake your head thinking I'm a nutball but honestly, that's fine. It doesn't take much to make me happy and that is one way to do it. If anything, the crossword puzzle will be good for my brain anyway since I've heard that it helps with the prevention of Alzheimer's or dimentia.

Anyway, that's my happy story for tonight.

Christmas 2009

This year I spent Christmas at Hope and Darcy's place along with all the kids and a couple dogs. A partridge in a pear tree too it seems...haha. The house was crowded but filled with lots of love and laughter. I spent last year with them too and I love how 'at home' I feel there. I brought Tucker with me (the dog I'm looking after) and he enjoys it there too.

I think one of my favourite gifts they gave me was from Dawson. Hope had typed up a 'gift certificate' saying that it entitled Dawson and I to go on 3 carwash dates (that's our thing we do together) and his dad had to pay. He also had to give me 3 hugs (cuz I ask for one all the time) and I have to sing him a funny song when going through the carwash. It was just the sweetest gift and I love that he enjoys it too. I may not be a mother but I will treasure these moments because before I know it, us going to the carwash won't be 'cool or fun' anymore.

Ahh....hanging out with them is just relaxing and the way its meant to be at Christmas time. Of course, its like that more often then not. Even if we play Settlers and fights break out once in a while. haha ;-) (private joke to others reading this) What I love most about their place is that they have a revolving door. It's amazing and I couldn't imagine their place without it. The Pawlak family is awesome. Extended family too.

This past Sunday they were all at Wendy's after service, along with half the congregation it seemed. It was just great being around family even though not one of them is actually blood-related. I love that feeling and that is what family time is all about.

There are Christmas gifts and then there is time together with family and the latter is far more important and fulfilling.

The irony of God

Last night I participated in our annual Christmas Eve Service at the church I attend. I’ve been going to this service for as many years as I’ve been here given that I wasn’t spending it with family elsewhere. I was also singing on the praise team and briefly someone had mentioned to me how interesting it was to see so many people, many of whom do not regularly attend our Sunday morning service. Of course this is the time of year where many will cross the threshold of church doors that may not do so on a consistent basis.

Seeing all those around me that I may not have seen before got me to thinking….which is why I woke up earlier than expected and am typing this Christmas morning. Yes the presents are fun and I look forward to seeing kids faces light up when tearing open presents but the night before Christmas is just as, if not, more important. No, sorry correction, it is the whole point. Period.

During this time of year we remember, or are suppose to remember why we celebrate this thing called Christmas. Unfortunately, many may not remember or don’t even know why we do. I can only presume that some may know about some baby named Jesus and he was born in a manger. Now, granted, I would love to give people more credit for what they know about the events of Jesus life that have changed history. However, I have an inkling that many may not.

For example, a few years ago I was talking to a co-worker (at the time) and I was talking about Jesus and the crucifixion and his resurrection. I was saying that he died for us because he loves us, etc (I won’t go into detail because that isn’t the point I want to make right now). Then, this person stopped me and asked, ‘Wait. Did Jesus live when people were around?’

Pause. Huh?

There was no sarcasm or humor attached to that question. It was an honest question without knowledge behind it. Although shock didn’t appear on my face it was definitely bouncing about inside me. Maybe it was the Holy Spirit bursting to get out showing that ‘YES’ he was around when people existed and he wants to ‘exist’ in you too!

Anyway, with those types of events that have happened, I can only presume that this person is not the only one who has not connected the dots between Jesus the baby and Jesus the man who died on a cross.

To us though, God is ironic. He is not a King that wants us to die for him in martyrdom so we can have a higher place in heaven like some other religious practices. God is a King who desires to be with us, have a relationship with us and although we aren’t worthy enough to even be in His presence (not presents) He wants to dwell in our hearts. He desires this SO much that He sent His Son to leave heaven where the streets are made of gold to come and spend his first night on earth in a dirty, smelly barn and rest his head for the first time in some hay meant for horse food.

I think, unfortunately, we have heard this story so many times that it has become old-hat to us and the depth and richness of it has worn off. It may even sparkle like the manger did. That’s right. It didn’t sparkle.

The point of all of this is hope. There is hope that in the worst of places to rest your head a sweet child can be born. There is hope in the fact that this same child woud chose to die in the worst of places, ridiculed and spit on for our sake so we can spend eternity with Him.

It reminds me of a song and some of the lyrics go like this:

‘Love will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at its journeys end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow

So hold on,
Love will find you’

Yes, Love will find us. Because God is Love and He is our hope. God will be in the most ironic places. His is thunderous yet can be the whisper in your ear on a lonely night.

He’s closer than you think.

On the Seventh day God rested

You know, some times I can come across pretty smart but then there will be times when I have to shake my head at myself. Lately I have been ....ha,....lately....whatever..... I am constantly busy. Constantly. Who do I think I am? God even took time to rest and I haven't taken time off since....well, I don't really know. Seriously!

I may have been away for a month to go to Ontario and some thought that it was a 'holiday' but if you think that driving for a week, hanging out with my mom in a hospital and seniors home for two weeks and painting for a week a holiday than you need to get out more! As soon as I got back I started working my 3 jobs. If I'm not working then I'm running around or house sitting or something.

So I ask. Seriously. Who do I think I am? I know I need to start to slow down or my body is going to find a way for me to do it. I might have a large ass but it surely isn't lazy. My feet, on the other hand, are exhausted but I have also been standing on them all day.

Tired. So tired today and the week is JUST beginning.

House Sitting #5 & #6

Well, I didn't think I'd have a housesitting story with the number 5 or 6 behind it but who are we kidding; I'm a sucker for punishment. I say #5 & #6 in the same sentence because not only did I go against my vow to NEVER housesit I'm now looking after two places at once!! How or why do I do this to myself?? I swear, my New Year's Resolution is to learn how to say 'no' to requests made of me, regardless of whether there is money attached to it or not. I'm paying some how!

My tales so far have mainly consisted of water and something leaking some where (not from me from something in the house). Of course there was the poo incident with the Hildebrandt's dog as well. With that being said, I guess I have a story to tell already from this experience. I'm sure I have more stories to follow, it is only the beginning of this little 3 week journey or escapade.

Today, I was going to be running around alot (surprise, surprise) and decided that instead of leaving Tucker (the dog I'm looking after) at home or outside in the cold I'd have him tag along with me. One of my little adventures was going to the church building to do some finishing-up painting that I wanted to get done before our Christmas Eve service this Thursday. Now, I've been working on this building for weeks and granted I could've worked faster on it but I also have another job and other happenings (installation of tile) that has taken me away from finishing in the original time I expected. So, I was at the building and the tile and grout are installed which was a big help and finishing touch to compliment the fresh paint and thankfully the tile was installed. I think Tucker was a little excited to be in a new environment and new people giving him extra love and affection. I was on a ladder and all of sudden I heard Meghan C say (she was my assistant today), 'Um....you might want to check on Tucker. He just pood on the floor.'

WHAT?!

Before I go any further, may I tell you that Tucker is a fabulous dog! Fabulous! There are VERY few dogs that I can say that about (just ask Hope) and Tucker is my #1 dog. He doesn't bark, bite or nip at your heels. Ahem.... Carrying on.....

This was quite a surprise to me that he would do such a thing but like I said, he must've been excited to see people. Anyway, for those freaking out right now and are putting words together for giving me a 'talking to' the next time you see me, I cleaned up the mess and sanitized the floor. I'm just glad it was tile on the floor.

So, does that mean the floor is officially 'christened'? And can that actually happen in a Christian 'fully dunking' church??

Things that happen on my lunch break

I was working at Black's Photography today; its one of my part time gigs I have right now and I was heading back to work from my lunch break. I work at the TD Square location which is a part of a mall (for those who don't know). Anyway, I was waiting for the elevator and a guy came up to the elevator as well and just started talking to me. He barely said a few words and then looked at me and said, 'I have to tell you....and I'm not sure why I feel compelled to and I haven't shared this with anyone but I'm so glad to be here right now with the job I have. I just moved here because I left a relationship where my boyfriend used to abuse me.' He then proceeded to tell me ways in which he was abused but it was a short elevator ride and he didn't get into too many specifics.

Well, now, if that doesn't take a girl back a bit.....

At first I wasn't really sure how to take the guy, especially since he had on more eye makeup than myself. A part of me felt bad for him but also glad that he got out of the relationship. We chatted briefly and I asked him if he knew anyone here in Calgary. He said he only has two friends and then commented, 'Well, I'm sure you have tons of friends and here you are listening to me.' My reply was something to the effect of the fact that we were suppose to meet I would love to get together for coffee. He just seemed to want someone to listen to him and he just needed a friend. We introduced ourselves and his name is Chase (for future reference).

Sometimes I think God just sort of drops people in our laps and its up to us to make the choice to grasp it or not. Who knows if the guy is real or not but it doesn't hurt to just listen. How much of an impact can you make on someone and hopefully have Christ shine through.

I'll keep you posted and if anyone is reading this I ask that you throw a prayer up for Chase and that hopefully I can reach out to him.

You know I love you, right?

Tomorrow night at church we are scheduled to have a memorial service for those that have lost loved ones. It's a time to reflect on those gone on before us and how we are without them for the holidays.

At first when I heard about the meeting I thought it was a good idea and only thought about those who have lost loved ones as of recent. However, when the announcement was made at the front a couple weeks ago they mentioned that it is also for those who have loved ones that have never set foot in our building as well. I didn't think it would hit me like it did and tears suddenly came to my eyes. For some, they may not know that I've lost my father and partly because I don't really share it. I don't have family here so no one really knows who is or isn't in my life. Actually, when I thanked the person that said it they didn't realize my father had passed away.

Anyway, I know I don't talk about him or my family much at all and I may not after tomorrow night either. I guess with this evening scheduled it has made me think about him and miss him. Miss his sayings, what I've done since he's passed, miss what our relationship could be like now that I'm more mature and want to invest in relationships. I will admit that when my dad was in the hospital the last 6 weeks of his life, I wanted to avoid the truth. From his diagnosis to his death was a 6week time period so I didn't want to admit that this was 'it'. I would walk past the hospital to go to my bus stop to go to school and I would avoid seeing him. It wasn't until the very end that I spent some time with him and it soon came reality when he would say good-bye to visitors knowing it was literally his last time seeing them.

When he was sick I couldn't look at the pictures of him being well and now that he's gone I can't look at the pictures of him being sick. Those ones are the hardest to see especially since I was face to face with him when he left this world to the next. I'm sure I should take some quiet time and reflect on those 6 weeks again but I just don't know. A part of me wants to just reflect on the memories I have of him but those last moments are just as important.

There are things that make me say some of the things I do today because of my dad. For example, I say to alot of my friends kids, 'You know I love you, right?' Well, I got that from my dad. Every night before I went to bed I would kiss him on the forehead and as I was doing that he'd ask that question. Which, of course, I always knew the answer but it was just his 'way' of saying I love you. I miss that. It was 'his' thing. Or, if he sneezed he would say, 'Scuse you', instead of 'bless me'. Or, if someone came up with a brilliant idea he would say, 'That's a great idea, I'm so glad I came up with that.' He was just so caring and funny.

I wish the people here in Calgary new my dad or my family. So many people from back home know that I'm a 'Hammond' or will come up to me and tell me how much they loved my parents or ask if I'm 'one of the twins'. I don't get that here and I miss that. There's a part of me that exists back home that I don't get here because of the relationships my parents have developed over the years and with him preaching. I miss hearing their stories. I miss hearing about how he was introduced to bible camp since he didn't come from a christian home. He has an amazing story and no one here will get that. Of course, to others he's just another man so they may not even care but to me he was my dad.

Miss ya dad. Wish I could share with you all the things I've accomplished or share with you the things that are yet to come. Wish you could meet the person I'm going to marry or rather I wish he could meet you but one day.

'You're a better man that I am Gunga Din. You're a better man than I am.'

If You Can't Sing, Sing Louder

That's what my brother used to say all the time; he also couldn't carry a note. However, his heart makes up for all the wrong keys he hits and I know the Lord loves him just the same.

This morning in Bible class we were looking at the passage of Psalm 148:13

Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens.

In our discussion we were talking about giving praises to God and the heart that we have when doing so. When singing praises to God our hearts need to be the focus of what we are singing more than hitting the right note. For those that can't sing, you can admit that you can't sing well but when you sing you will sing with all your heart. However, for those that can sing we should not focus on making sure we sound good to those around us for our hearts won't be centred on what the whole purpose of giving praise is all about.

In some ways, I think those that can't sing have the advantage than for those that can sing. Personally, I love to sing. I can sing all day long and I think possibly only twice in my life have I actually gotten tired of singing; one of the times we had been singing for a few hours in the girls dorm in high school.

However, I will also admit that there are times when I'm more focused on how I sound or who is around me that might hear me. In fact, ironically enough, someone handed me a note today during service time commenting on how beautiful I sounded. How nice was that?! I was flattered but then I was quickly reminded of the Bible lesson taught less than an hour before. Were my thoughts focused on the words I was singing rather than the notes? Was I truly giving honor and glory to God? Or was I focused more on 'sounding' good?

I will admit that a few years ago I purposely took myself off the praise team and singing up front because I felt my heart wasn't in the right place. I was centered more on my own satisfaction and gratification than using my gifts to give Him glory.

Like I said earlier, I love to sing but I also know that lately my heart is more centered on doing His will and savouring the words that float across my lips. I may not have complete 100% attention all the time on it but I would say that I've improved. But isn't that our goal? Improvement? We can't reach perfection but I will die trying.

Colossians 3:16, 17
Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Dear Spa Lady

I saw you in the mall today. You usually show up around this time of year to see if people will join your facility. When I walked by you I didn't realize that you would ask me again. Don't you know me?? I wanted to pretend I didn't see you and you would go away but you are stuck in my head. I want to apologize for ignoring you even though you were so kind.

The truth is, with me ignoring you I'm saving your time and mine. I wish I could just give you a cheque for the 3-year commitment I would make but never actually show up. As much as we both would like to rendezvous together I know that it won't happen on a regular basis. For that to happen you will need to be like Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser.

So, alas, let us go our separate ways and when I'm not working my twelve hour days and three jobs and can stay at home because I found my sugar-daddy I will gladly have the wonderful affair that would take place.

Till then, best of luck ....for both parties.

Your Arch Nemesis

Laughing

Laughing, I can't get enough of it and I can do it on a whim. If its truely heartfelt it will be quite the belly laugh too! Some things have just made me bust out laughing tonight and I'm so thankful that it doesn't take much for such to happen. I'm sure I'll live a long life because of it too but at least I'm doing that. The alternative isn't near as much fun!

Usually at the end of the day I'll be laying in bed and think about my day and if something really made me laugh I know I'll just lay there splitting a gut. Or, some times I'll try to tell someone else about the funny I'm laughing at and I can't get it out cuz I'm laughing so hard

My mom used to tell me that when I was a kid I would sit in front of the tv and fall over laughing whenever there was a pie fight on the tube.

Ahhhh, laughter, its the best medicine. Keep it coming!!

Volunteering at church

For the past few weeks I've been painting at the church building but amidst all of that, another part of the renovation is that of tiling the main hallway and wings of the building. I haven't done too much in regards to tiling mainly because I've never done it before and it would be nice if it could look nice after all that hard work.

Tonight, however, was the last 'official' night that was scheduled for tiling and before returning the wetsaw, etc. I planned to just be there to continue my painting which seems to be taking forever but I'm waiting for the tiling to be done since I have to redo some of my work due to splattered thinset and the like. Since there weren't too many helpers tonight and we were pressed for time I decided to put away my paint brush and help with the baseboards.

I have to say, I've been there amongst the men working away but have to admit that one night I had to leave because there was just too much testosterone for my liking. I was a tad outnumbered and didn't want to get in their way but tonight was manageable and quite fun actually. One person that really stood out to me was Chris Brown (not the singer but the one that attends our church...haha). He has been there every night that they were tiling. When he laid his first tile at the building he said to me that he'd only tiled walls before. Well, let me say, that man has laid more tile in the past couple weeks than I probably will in a lifetime. Also, he is funny!!! Maybe its the accent but man he's just a happy, all around good guy. Well done Chris. If anyone is reading this I strongly suggest you pat him on the shoulder and give him kudos to a job well done.

The other thing that has been impressed or pressed (not sure which one) in my mind is that of the Almighty Crack! That's right, the vertical smile. I've never seen so much crack in all my life. I felt like taking pencils and sticking them where the sun don't shine since people kept asking for a pencil and I found the perfect pencil holder! I'm not proud to say this but I've seen a side of some men that I wish to never see again.

Overall, its been a good experience and I can't wait to be done the painting ....as long as they don't muck up the walls after they finish the floor!!

The meaning of Yellow

There's a reason for everything and last night I had the priviledge and honour to celebrate with the Yellow Team of My Rona Home. Although the voters didn't vote for team Yellow and came in 2nd place they have won the hearts of many. The impression and character they have set for others to see will last many years longer than their mortgage. The bonus was a house but having the integrity and sincere demeanor faaarrr outweighs bricks and mortor.

I will say that I've been tempted to write my frustrations with others attitudes during the show and their narrowmindedness but I've also been taught that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. Is it hard? Yes, but I think in this case I'd rather not waste any time on that and focus on the positive side of the whole experience.

I also looked up what the color of yellow means in regards to the psychology of it. Which is:

Yellow shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. Shades of golden yellow carry the promise of a positive future. Yellow will advance from surrounding colors and instill optimism and energy, as well as spark creative thoughts.

Last night it was hard not to focus on the positive side of what has been created; friendships, laughter and a sense of character set for a team that comes in 2nd. I'm so glad I was a part of it. I'm glad that I've been able to create friendships with Maggie and Lyla! They are just so sweet. In fact, Nic told me yesterday that Maggie made a comment about me, 'She's a nice lady.' Well, if that doesn't put a smile on your face!!!

Proud of you Yellow team and may you have many more wonderful memories to create in that house. I'll be praying for you and the people you've made an impression on because of this experience. *You know what I'm talking about.

And yes, Nic, crazy people will do just about ANYTHING to get on reality tv. Well done!! haha ;-)

Lord I want to be Your servant

I was listening to this song tonight and was inspired to write a post. The song is sung by Acappella (Album: Acappella In His Presence) and titled Lord, I want to be Your servant.

I've actually used this song in a lesson I taught years ago at a Ladies Retreat and I'm sure most have heard or sung the song before. The entire song brings me great humility. At first I thought it was just the spoken prayer portion but if you live and breathe the words you will hopefully be moved as I have been. The penned words bring me to tears with the desire in my heart to serve the way He wants me to serve. I may not serve in a Christ-like manner at all times but thankfully I am reminded to strive to serve Him in some sort of fashion on a daily basis. Emphasis on strive. I may not succeed some days but by the grace of God the effort is there. Actually, its more the Holy Spirit working in me that fills me with this great desire for His will to be accomplished.

The portion of the song that pulls at my heart strings is the spoken prayer but really the whole song is my desire to serve Him continually.

Lord I want to be a servant
Giving all my praise to you
Giving all I have to please you Lord
My heart makes pure and true

Lord I want to be a servant
Bring me closer to your will
Father all I want is to serve you more
Make me worthy to serve you still

Spoken Prayer:
Words come slow
When it comes to expressing
My true feelings of humility
My heart's desire to serve
But Lord you've done so much for me through the cross
I just want to give my life, my love
And all my heart back to you
And under the shadow of the cross
Let me hide myself and all that would
Shout out your glory
And allow me to see you
To know who you really are
So that someone else
Can see you through me

I hope you took the time to actually read the words. Not just read them but press them into your heart like I have through mine. Oh, to have others look at us and see Him is such a beautiful picture and I pray that one day He will say to me, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'

The angel looking over me

A part of me feels I should apologize for the way I've been 'acting' lately. Some may not have noticed but possibly by the most recent blog posts or if you've talked with me you may have noticed I've been having some hiccups in my life. To put it lightly.

Well, to be honest, yes I have been experiencing some bumpy roads in my life and in some ways I feel like I'm in a boxing ring trying to get back up but for one reason or another I seem to get knocked back down again. Could it be worse? Absolutely! Could it be smoother? For sure. And I'm the first one to state that 'this too shall pass' and I know it will but I think it is also fair to say that its okay to be down for a bit as long as you don't stay there. Seems I've been down for a while but with the combination of working alot and working hard it doesn't make the load lighter to relieve some stress.

A part of me is just a little stubborn and want to get out of this pit (financially, emotionally, etc) on my own but I've also had to learn to swallow my pride and just plain ask for help. What do I need help with? Well, it could be something as simple as changing one of my light bulbs in my hallway or hanging a shelf but regardless I still need an extra set of hands. I also wish I had someone to fight my battles for me to for when people don't treat me nicely like the guy who took me out for my bday. Some times I just get tired of trying to stand up by myself from being knocked down.

Of course, I do realize that I do have friends that will be there for me when I'm in real need. I know there is Someone looking out for me, loves me, wants the best for me and will provide for me even when I don't think I can do it. A good friend reminded me to only look to today and tomorrow but not worry about next month. God also says we should only look to today and some days that's all I can manage. Today only. God can look after the rest. He always provides.

In some ways I feel like this is a Psalm. David would vent his frustrations but then near the end of the it will turn to God and rely on Him to be his refuge. My words may not be as fancy but this is it.

Onward and upward.....

Anonymous

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a Christian says:

'No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreserved to Me; with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me and discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you have the capability of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desire or longings.

I want you to stop planning. Stop wishing. And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing; one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the very besst. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

You just wait. That's all.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them.
Don't look around at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking off and up to Me or you'll miss out on what I want to show you.

And the, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with love far more wonderul than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I'm working this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me and this perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and enjoy matrimonially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I Am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.'

Lord, you have my heart

Lord, I'm thankful that all your require from me is my heart because that's all I can give. I feel spent in many ways and working too much takes pretty much everything I have. The one thing it can't take is my heart for you and my longing to serve you continually.

It's funny how people won't give You their time and energy because they think you require too much but I feel the opposite. I feel the demand to work hard so I can pay my bills, use my phone, drive my car, put a roof over my head, put food on the table and any other pressure of daily life. If I miss a payment, however, there is a chance that one day someone will be calling me to remind me that I've missed a payment, etc, etc.

However You, Lord, wait patiently for us to return to You. We've turned our backs on You when we don't want You to see what we're doing. We've given up on You when we feel You haven't pulled through on our 'time'. We go to church when its convenient for us and as long as it doesn't interfere with our schedules. We go to church to be encouraged or filled up when really we should be thankful that we have the opportunity and priviledge. We have the freedom to serve You in a free country and we should want to be there because we can serve you together as a family and not just be there to see what 'we' can get out it. You deserve our time.

You give us so much that we take for granted and all You require from us is our heart. Again, I'm so thankful that that is all You require because my works have gotten me nowhere and will never bring me to the place where You dwell.

My Girl Boyfriend

I recently found out that one of my friends (CB) and her family will be leaving us shortly. I'm sure it will fly by sooner than I would like but such is life. Life goes on and we must appreciate the times we had together and treasure the moments like special jewels.

I met CB a year ago and didn't think much of meeting someone new. There are many families that have moved up here for work and most of them usually end up staying. Unfortunately such is not the case with the Brown family. Within the last week they were told that they would be transferred back down south with her hubby's job. As much as I am happy for them that they are able to be in a city that were hoping to be transferred to, a part of me will be leaving as well and so I say good bye with a tear in my eye. Actually two. One is a happy tear for them and a sad tear for me.

I didn't think that I could connect with someone so quickly as I have with CB and I'm so grateful and thankful for a gift of friendship that has been planted and continues to grow. I gave CB the title of my 'Girl Boyfriend' a while ago and its more a private joke between us that no one will really get except for CB and I, but that's okay. It isn't meant for others to get.

CB, you have been an inspiration, a light, a friend, a confidant, a singing partner, a shoulder, a date and most of all, a God-send. You are an amazing woman with a beautiful attitude and perspective. I hate to see you leave but I know I will treasure our short memories together for a lifetime. I'll try to visit you at some point but in the mean time, stay true to who you are for you will brighten anyone's day.

Tears/Cheers to you my dear friend.
'What happens in the nail room, stays in the nail room.'

Lately.....

I can't believe I've been back in Calgary a week already. So much has happened in the last week that it just amazes me what can be accomplished or what can happen in a short amount of time. Thankfully. Seems I've been running short on the patience and at the beginning of the week I was drained before it even started.

When I got back from my trip some things didn't turn out the way I had expected or other things were happening but, regardless of which, I felt I was behind the 8-Ball. I'm not sure if it was a combination of that and the fact that my emotions were high with leaving family and coming back to my home but it seemed a little overwhelming. I couldn't keep the tears from falling and big question marks were coming up for every question that ran through my head. I won't get into specifics one because not everyone needs to know all the details and also.....or two, some times I'd rather just leave that in the past.

The things I have learned from my little episode is that I have loving friends who will be there for me and help me out when I feel I'm running on empty. I've also learned more about the relationship I have with God. In asking the age-old 'why' question to God with fists raised to the ceiling I've had the attitude of 'why is this happening to me' or 'when will it be my turn'. However, this time my attitude was more of knowing that my time is coming, its just not right now or the fact that I need to rely on God and have stronger faith more than ever. As much as I was crying my heart out with all this uncertainty I had a sense of peace knowing that God was there and this is another trial I need to overcome to reach another level of intimacy with God.

Lately I've been repeating to myself a phrase that I try to keep in the forefront of my mind. It's not the trial itself that is the challenge but it's how you handle it that helps you have a better understanding of what the outcome will be. The outcome may not be what you wanted but the greater challenge is your attitude towards the answer. Or, I may not understand why things are happening in my life the way they are but regardless of that, I know that I need to keep my focus on God and have a stronger faith that He will get me through it.

To be honest, there were some things that were happening financially and I wasn't sure how things were going to get done but with a little bit of prayer and humility things are on their way of working themselves out. All I know is that I can only do my best and keep God first in my life, live for Him and serve others and He will take care of tomorrow.

Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is.

Longing for home

I guess this blog is not just for telling funny stories of my happenings in life but also reflective moments as well. This happens to be one of them. Since I spent a good 3 solid days in my car driving to and from Ontario recently I've had time to think.....alot.

Leaving Calgary a month ago I knew that I'd be back in a month's time and everything would be the same and I'd just continue on as if I'd never left. When I got home (the place I grew up) and saw the familiar faces again it made me feel like I was 'home'. People are the same just with a few more wrinkles, places are the same just a little more worn down and other things that I haven't seen before but still, a sense of home.

I also had the opportunity to go back to the town where I went to highschool. I stayed in the dorm there and developed many friendships that have definitely lasted a life time. Again, another home. Familiar faces, places and rekindled friendships.

In some respects the thought of moving back 'home' came more times than not considering that time with my mom is becoming more precious and few. I thought about what it would be like if I moved back. Where would I move? Who could I develop relationships with that could be stronger than what they are now? Where is my place here?

I will be honest and say that it was sort of hard to leave and seriously considered staying another month. I was away the duration of a month and I honestly couldn't get done all that I needed to do. As most people know, I'm a personable person and I'm all about relationships, building them, making them and keeping them. For example, I connected with people that I went to grade school with and when we reconnected on Facebook we decided to get together again.

As much as I am willing to say it was a 'struggle' to come back to my Calgary home I have to also say that I am quite blessed. To be loved by so many people in different areas geographically is something special. There are some that can't even say they have one home to belong to. I have many but thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ and His Church. If it wasn't for being a part of the different congregations throughout the years I wouldn't have near as many connections as I do. But I do struggle with where I am to be. Where do I fit in? Sure I have lots of friends and connections but where do I stand? Where am I needed? Who needs me? Not my services and what 'talents' I can bring to the table but who really needs me for just being me and wanting to just hang out with....me?? I'm not looking for attention, I'm looking for relationship and the sense of belonging.

Which brings me to my final home. Heaven. Oh, how I long for the day to finally be able to rest in a dwelling place that I can call home and not be torn with being somewhere else. Reminds me of the age-old hymn, This world is not my home I'm just a passing through. My treasures are laid up some where beyond the blue.

The more I think of it, the more I truly feel about who I am as the title of my blog. The constant nomad.

Maybe I'm suppose to have that longing for something more. Maybe God created in us a sense of longing that only He can provide. Well, I think He did. He is the only one that can complete us and fill the void of longing to its complete fullness.

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for. ~ Robert Browning

Cross Country Trip 2009

Things I've learned from my trip driving across Canada and the USA:

• My Honda CRV rocks the house for making such a big trip
• My Honda CRV and I need a break from each other
• If all other jobs don't work out my next gig will be a truck driver given that I can do long distance driving
• I can drive at least 3km with my knee (only on the TransCanada, in a straight line and no one else is around)
• I can do stomach and butt exercises while sitting in the driver seat
• Oriental people drive slow in any city, province, state or country
• Driving across Sask is dry and boring
• Driving across North Dakota is dry and boring
• Driving across Minnesota is dry and boring
• Wisconsin is a beautiful state but have weird (or different) ways of naming their highways
• I love Chicago (minus the traffic)
• When singing praises to God I must keep at least one hand on the wheel (unless point #4 applies)
• There is ample time to talk with God

The characters in Room 606

Ah yes, I'm going to make light of the situation where my mom is at the current moment. Since I sit in the hospital 8 - 10 hrs a day and if I don't bring some humor to the situation I would go stir crazy. Let me introduce you to the people that my mom is staying with. First I'll discuss my mother and go clockwise.

606B - Joyce (my mom)
Surgery - Left knee replacement
Other issues - Alzheimer's and other.
To some my mom probably sounds a little loony. Physically she's working her way to recovery (slowly). She's walking a bit more with her walker and doing her daily physio which is great. Her memory, however, was a little off yesterday. She was thinking things were falling on her or she was holding a book when she wasn't, seeing people in the room but had visited a couple days prior and was confused at where she was. It's not nice arguing with an Alzheimer patient, which I shouldn't and should just agree with her but when she persists that she has some pictures in the room and tells me to get them and I don't produce (cause they aren't there) its not nice. I know its the disease and not my mom and then she sighs and moves on shortly after. It's a good thing she forgets what she's been upset about....if only we carried a little Alzheimer's with us, eh?

606C - Marjory
Surgery - Broken hip
This women is a 90yr old women. She's so cute but I really do feel for her. Since I've spent almost a week at the hospital I've gotten to know the visitors in the room as well. Marjory has only had one visitor who isn't even a family member. The man that comes in has been assumed (by staff and myself) to be her son but apparently she doesn't have any family. Who this man is I'm not sure but he visits every day just as long as myself and just sits and holds her hand and that's it. Not much is said between them but they just hold hands. From where I sit, its quite touching.

606D - Chelsea
Surgery - none so far
Not sure what her issues are but she's a young mother of 3. She's younger than I am that's for sure but she spends most of her time sleeping or calling people to look after her children. Because she has slept so much I thought she had already had her surgery and I was surprised to learn she hadn't had it yet. Of course, when I learned that she had 3 kids I figured she was catching up on the lack of sleep young mothers get!!

606A - Gloria
Surgery - Hip
Other - The nurses call her 'Edna' (not sure why), I call her Miss Poopy Pants.
This woman has been in the room as long, if not longer, than my mom. I know more about this woman's hemorroids and bowel movements than anyone I know. She's not nice to the nurses either, quite rude and demanding. If she realized how much 'crap' the nurses (and others in the room) have to deal with her she'd be a little more sympathetic. I'm not sure why she's still there but I hope that she is moved to another room or something but I have a feeling my mom will be let out before her.

I must say, its good times in the hospital and I'm sure many stories could be written. Actually, yesterday when I took a little break from sitting I was walking around the admitting area and some cops brought in a guy wearing an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs. Not sure what reason he was there but I'm glad he didn't come to visit anyone in Ward 606.

The attack of the walkers

Aside from the concern I have for my mom's health at the moment and running to and from the hospital I try to catch up on as much sleep as I can. Except for when I'm writing on my blog at 1am like right now.

The first chance I had to catch up on my sleep after my mom's surgery and spending the night at the hospital I decided to head back to her residence since I didn't think anyone would disturb me. Boy did I ever have that wrong. I crawled into bed around 10am or so and the first phone call I received was from the front desk. It seems sort of like a hotel; quite nice actually but you do have to sign in and out every time.

Anyway, so the front desk called asking if I would take some meds to the hospital the next time I head up there since the hospital didn't have a certain pill my mom takes. Fine. Hang up the phone, shut my eyes.

5 - 10 min later....

Next phone call is Dorothy from across the hall who has a card for my mom. Fine. I will pick it up later, shut my eyes.

5 min later......

Someone knocks on my mom's door and opens it (they have a key) and ask if my mom has any laundry for them to do. Aside from the disturbance it is pretty cool that they do your laundry too. I swear, if my mom doesn't make it back here I'm moving in!! Anyway, no she doesn't (I already did it), close my eyes again!

10 min later..... It is now 10:30ish and I just wanna get some sleeeeeeppp!!

The fire alarm goes off! What?! Are you serious?! My first thought was, 'Well, they've had this thing go off before and it wasn't anything so maybe if I just lay here it will turn off and all will be well.' I shut my eyes and try to ignore the ringing.

2 min later....

The ringing continues and I figure I better get up out of bed and see if there really is a fire. I start walking down the hall and realize that we need to evacuate the building as this is a fire drill. Now, remember, this is a seniors home so its not like everyone is rushing out the door. If this was a race I would've received 1st, 2nd and 3rd place!! I actually asked the staff if they needed help since they had to get everyone in their wheelchairs or walkers.

So there I stand in the middle of the parking lot with people slowly coming out of the building. Then I see it. Yes, the attack of the walkers. They all start coming out at once and I feel like I'm being invaded with all these elderly people with their 4-legged metal contraptions in front of them. It's not like I was going anywhere, especially since I had little to no sleep the night before but with all of them coming at me at once I felt like running.

After everyone was accounted for and no one was left in the building we were able to go back to our respective rooms. Sleep was waiting for me and there I lay laughing thinking about the events of the day and wondering how things like this tend to happen to me! And, it wasn't even noon yet.

Mom's Hospital Stay - Part 2

I'm going to write here cause I don't really care to explain everything to everyone. If you asked me how she did yesterday I would say she's 'okay; bit of a hard day'. But the specifics go deeper than a six word reply.

I said in my last entry that if I had a dime for every time she asked where she was, etc well yesterday was much more than that. Those questions as least seem valid given that she may be confused from the anesthetic. I didn't stay too long at the hospital (6pm - midnight) but mainly because if she sees us (me and my sister) she will complain hoping that we can fix her pain. We can't and I know I don't want to move her as her knee isn't in a brace anymore, etc. However, in that time period she continually asked me to take off her shoes and that she wanted to go over....there (pointing with her nose to the window). The window to her was another 'room' or her apartment that she is staying in in a nursing home. She kept thinking she could get up and get out of there. And when I mean 'continually', I mean almost by the minute. And that's NO exaggeration. My words last night were constantly, 'Mom, you don't have shoes on. Those are special socks you have on that the doctor gave you to wear.' 'No mom, you can't go over 'there' that's a window and you are in the hospital.' 'Sure mom, you can get up, go for it.' Obviously she can't but they would love for her to get up and walk around as that is one of the exercises she needs to be doing.

It's not tiring saying it, well, I'm tired of speaking so much but I'm not tired that she doesn't get it. In a way I sort of laugh when she asks cuz its sort of funny but I realize she's just so confused. Again, I'm glad that she at least remembers us but other than that, she's quite confused. I definitely don't like to see her in pain though and that is something I can't control. I can't administer pain meds nor do I want to be responsible for that but I pray that God can be the great Physician, which He is. Of course, I say I laugh at some points but I have my moments where I want to cry for her too.

Love you mom, I hope you get better soon.

Off to the hospital I go.

My mom's hospital stay....so far.

**Warning: This entry is not recommended for the sensitive stomachs.**

Yesterday my mom went in to the hospital for her knee surgery. Technically she needs both knees replaced but we are only doing one this year and then the other next year. Good thing she isn't a centipede!! Anyway, the concern we had that the doctors were preparing us for was the fact that the anesthetic coupled with her Alzheimer's may decrease her memory more significantly. Because of this, I decided to make the trip here which I'm so glad I did.

I took my mom to the hospital yesterday morning for 6am and she was in the OR by 930 and in recovery by 1130. During that time I had a cat nap myself and prepared to stay the night with her while my sister (Sara) stayed at the hospital before she woke up. Since she wasn't under anesthetic for too long thankfully she remembered us (which was the biggest concern). She has, however, been confused about a lot of things.

When I got back to the hospital my mom was in so much pain, which isn't nice to see at all! I hate seeing her in pain and wishing I could take some of it away. I asked the nurse if we could give her some medication, which they did but then it caused her to have low oxygen. I don't know much about oxygen levels, etc but the nurse said we should be above 90 and my mom was below 10!! She (my mom) also started to develop flehm and couldn't cough it up. The nurse called in the respiratory doc on staff and suggested to put her on an oxygen mask but that would mean we needed to take her off the pain medication.

I stayed with my mom all night and she was in so much pain and complaining about the brace on her leg. She was very confused, didn't know where she was, thought she was at her home, didn't know why her leg was sore and continually thought the oxygen mask was her glasses sliding down her face. On top of that she was trying to pull at her cathedor (?), etc which I'm not familiar with that stuff either so I wanted to leave things right where they belonged. If I had a dime for how many times I had to clarify to my mom that she had surgery on her knee and the mask on her face was for oxygen I wouldn't have to work for at least a year. I think she's just so confused with everything! I repeat, everything! In fact, this morning she thought she hadn't had the surgery yet at all!!

I was a little concerned last night, though when she was spitting up blood a bit, in her oxygen mask mind you. I was more ticked when the nurses would say they were on their way and continue to do their rounds. Now, like I said before, I'm not used to this environment and don't know proper procedures and I understand if there are things to do but when I'm seeing blood coming out of some where where it shouldn't be and she can't cough because she's too weak then I have a problem.

The worst part about it was the lady next to my mom who would have some bowl movements. Actually, that wasn't the worst part...well, its debateable but the lady could never make it to the washroom and left a trail behind her. Maybe the worst part about it was the rancide smell she left behind. I mean r-a-n-c-i-d-e. I don't know if that's how you spell it but that's the way it is coming out cuz I was beside myself. This alone made it to be a shitty experience. Pardon my language but that is the only word that can describe what the room was like. Thankfully I was able to leave for a half-hour or so because of it. The poor women in the room had to endure it all night. Needless to say, the first thing I did when I got home was take a shower and get myself clean!

I could go on but really no one needs to read any more. You get the jist of where my mom is at and it should be uphill from here on out. I'm tired and my head hurts from lack of sleep. Glad I made the trip out. Don't know how I'll pay some bills soon but I needed to make this trip.

Love you mom, get better soon.

What's in a name?

There are many things I could discuss when talking about the subject title but for some events that have just transpired over the last few days I thought I'd focus on that. Yesterday a friend of mine's grandfather passed away. Now, I don't know her grandfather but from the little amount that I know of him his life still speaks volumes to me.

Now, I’ve never met my friend’s grandfather and didn’t even know his first name till yesterday. However, the two things I know about this man are that of his last name, McMillan, and that he had been married to his wife for 72yrs. Wow! 72yrs! I can’t imagine a life of 72yrs let alone being married to someone for that long!

What stands out to me is that he has lead a life that has been built on a strong foundation. I say that because his life is reflected through the family he has around him. I don’t know all of the McMillan family but I think a majority of his bloodline are faithful Christians and continue to serve and love the Lord.

I’m all about actions speaking louder than words and he is a great testament to that. I’m sure there will be many who will reflect on his life given to family and to the Lord and heaven is rejoicing in his coming home.

Be blessed McMillan family. I see you have been already.

Who is your Deborah?

I was in Bible class this past Sunday and the lesson was on Deborah and Barak (found in Judges 4 and 5). The discussion revolved around Deborah's role during the battle Barak and Deborah fought against King Hazor, a Canaanite King. I won't go into all the specifics of the story but I will suggest you read the story to hear it for the first time or to refresh your memory.

In Judges 4:6-8, Barak asks if Deborah will go with her and fight the war against Jabin's army even though Deborah told him that he would have victory over them. To Barak that wasn't enough and having Deborah's presence was more reassuring to him. She was his encouragement and his back-up. At the beginning of verse 9 she says to Barak that she would go with him and then marches with him and the ten thousand warriors.

I haven't really looked closely at this story or reflected on it but I appreciate and admire Deborah's character. She didn't just tell or direct Barak to conquer an army. Even though the Lord told her that Barak would have victory he still questioned and she supported him. She helped give him that extra nudge.

It made me think of who a 'back-up' is in my life. Who is it that supports me and gives me encouragement when I need it even though the Lord has a plan for me and wants the best for me. My first thought was my good friend Hope. She has always been my back-up. She reassures me, encourages me, challenges me and helps me when I have to tread down a path on my own. I appreciate and value our friendship and that she can be my strength when I am not feeling so strong. She can speak for me when I have no words left to speak.

So, who is your Deborah? Who will help you when you're down? Challenge you when you need to be held accountable or help carve you into the character God sees in you?

There are many others that have helped along the way but Hope specifically stands out to me. Yes, Hope/hope does.

Friends with my former self

So, I had another weird dream last night. I'm not sure if its cold medicine I'm taking or something I'm eating but if or when I do I seem to have wild, crazy and vivid dreams. I had a few dreams last night but one that stood out to me and that I can actually type out is one of past events that have actually happened. I hope I can make sense of all of this or explain it the way it was happening.

I was reliving a portion of when I first went to Nanaimo. Actually, it was even before I moved to Nanaimo in 2004; I visited Ronni and Mart before she had their 3rd child Emma May long weekend of that year. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience watching myself in certain scenes but me standing next to ....well, myself. I remember sitting at the breakfast table at a friends house, sitting in church and lunch afterward. I remember the feelings I was having at that time and the excitement but then also a part of me was remembering all the hurt and pain I experienced when I moved there.

It was like I was a friend to myself with me being older and wiser than I was back then. The person I am today was trying to befriend my former self and share in the exciting times but being there when I was going through turmoil. And trust me, I shed many a tear. I should've invested in stocks with Kleenex.

When I woke up I felt like my heart wanted to reach out to my past self and help Becky out. It's like my former self and my current self were colliding in two different worlds. Does that make any sense? How can you be friends with your past self? How can you be a support and give advice or just be there for someone when they are at their lowest? Help encourage them when they are down and feel alone? I'm sure Hollywood could make a movie about this and I could make a killing. Heck, that's how Stephanie Meyer of the Twilight series was inspired. Yes, through a dream.

I know I have a long way to go but thankfully I'm far better off than where I was.

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.....

Thanks John Denver for writing those lyrics. I'm sure I've sung it many times now given all of my travels. And yes, my bags are packed and I'm getting ready to go. I can't believe the time has come up so quickly. I can't believe I'm about to embark on uncharted territory. For me anyways. The only thing I need to organize is my painting supplies to prepare for the work I have for me in Ontario.

I have a few nail appointments I need to take care of, one of them being my own and then off to the East! I will be driving into the sun! I've also discovered that since I have announced that I am driving I am now Santa Claus and the postal service. It's not bad. I'm glad I can help others out.

You see, I can't just take a trip.....there has to be some sort of adventure. More stories to come. I may not be able to post every day and I will warn you that since I have time on my hands I'm sure I'll be doing alot of thinking so get ready for some indepth entries. Either that or more fiascos and some laughs. Oy!

See you tomorrow for one more blog (I gotta keep with my entries this month) and then maybe Friday or so! Be blessed!! I know I will be!

Thanksgiving

This weekend my original plan was to head west to Invermere to spend at a friends cabin. Once I told Hope and family about it they decided to join me which was completely fine. I'm sure spending quality, quiet time in the cabin would be nice its always nice to hang out with 'family' and play games, lounge around and eat.

Unfortunately winter has hit us already. Last week or a couple weeks ago we were breaking record highs and now my computer says -8C and the roads weren't the best for driving in . Sigh. To put a positive twist on this we decided to just stay in and hang out at the Pawlak home, play lots of Settlers, eat and be merry. Well, I'm not sure about the merry part....depends on if we each win at least 2 games each of Settlers.

So far its been pretty good. The kids are great, entertaining themselves and everyone is sleeping at this point except for moi sitting at their dining room table listening to their kitchen sink drip. Breakfast is in the oven and I'm literally waiting for chaos to begin. All in good time, Becky, all in good time.

We've invited the Roberts family over which will be fun. I'm just going to watch Peter and Darcy talk about hunting and see how much they light up a room. Forget the cold, the smiles on their faces will warm up the whole house. Crazy hunters. So, I guess we'll have 3 hunters in the house.....Darcy, Peter, and Hunter. Actually there might be 4 hunters depends on if the Carters decide to join us as well. Oh what fun!! I love all these families!

Happy Thanksgiving folks.....its going to be a cold-but-warm-inside weekend! God is good.

Church #5 - Elders

Typically when a church discusses the topic of elders what usually follows is a 6 week series on the role, requirements and other. I don't plan to go into full detail about all of this as some of you have participated in those 6 week sessions and may contemplate rolling your eyes at an indepth discussion. My approach, however, is to bring life to the topic or possibly even a different perspective. I think this role needs a fair shake and also the phrase of 'don't knock it till you've tried it.'

Before I start vomiting out my opinion or thoughts I challenge you to read up on such verses as Titus 1:5-9. Ya, that's right ....you'll have to break open that Bible of yours that we seem to only open once a week (hopefully more).

My purpose in writing about elders is that we, as a body of Christ's church, need to encourage them. We have appointed certain men in the congregation to be the shepherd of our flock. They are to lead us and be examples for us. When we select elders we spend weeks deciding on who has a list of the requirements listed in Titus and the wisdom to take on such a feat. After that we (collectively) spend time complaining to them or about them.

May I remind you (and myself) that this position is not a paid position. The elders take on this role because they do so with a loving heart. Because I've had the pleasure of working at the church I've had an opportunity to participate in Elder/Staff meetings. I've seen firsthand the commitment they have all made to not only on a Sunday morning time together but also actively participating in the meetings on a weekly basis. They have devoted time away from their own family to many hours - many hours to discuss the concerns of the church, the way it is heading, how to proceed and how to not offend.

Albeit some times I wish that the process for some matters would be faster than others but one thing I know for sure, the elders that I know and care about take careful/prayerful consideration before making one step or one announcement. I hope all our members understand and realize how much they care for our congregation. Some may, some may not.

If anything, our role should be that of encouragment like I mentioned earlier. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, 'So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.' If we aren't doing this then we need to start. We know how we feel when we like to be encouraged so why wouldn't they feel the same with the extra weight of the concerns of the church on them as well.

I believe that if we build them up and support them and their decisions then it will be easier for them to make decisions on matters. I think that is half the battle. I can only assume that a porton of their concerns is wondering 'how the congregation will handle this or that'. Maybe we as a congregation should spend as much time to committing to prayer and careful consideration for our elders and Christ's church.

How much more productive will we be when we support each other in Christ's body?

Tis the season

The cold weather is upon us again and I know that I will never get used to it. I'm sure I was meant to live in a much warmer climate but alas I've been placed amongst freezing nose hairs and icicles on the eye lashes. I'm sure it could be worse but I just don't like the cold.

Because of the weather change....
Attitudes change
People change
Clothes change

On a positive note...cuz I need to focus on that than the downside to cold weather.

I love the fall clothes
Warming up by a fire
Hot cocoa
Visiting with friends in a warm house
Watching snow fall (from the other side of the window pane)
When it snows and quietens everything down

Smellin' like onions

Last night I wasn't feeling too good, you know, runny nose, headache and the like. I'm trying to prevent getting sick because of this big trip I'm about to embark on next week and also I can't afford to pass the sickness on to my mother who is about to have surgery. So I mentioned this concern to my friend and she suggested I put an onion in my bedroom at night. She had heard from....well, I don't know where, that it helps keep or destroy the bacteria. I'm not really sure about this but I'll give it a try and the worst thing that could happen is that my room will smell like an onion for a day or so but I can get rid of that no problem.

This morning I woke up earlier than I thought and I didn't have to be anywhere till around noon so I thought, well, I better get myself downtown to see the judge about this speeding ticket I got. On my way to church I might add!! So, I get myself dressed, didn't bother to shower because I will be painting later and will take it after. At this point I could smell some of the onion but thought it was just because I was still in the same room as the evidence sitting on my night table.

When I got downtown I was standing in line to hand in my paperwork of my traffic violation and with the air being still I could smell the onion....STILL!! Great! I noticed at that point why the people around me didn't stand so close!! Then I have to plead my case before the judge in a small room all the while smelling like an onion! He's going to either reduce the charge to get my smelly ass out of there or keep it the same because I should've at least taken a shower before entering his quarters. Thankfully he reduced my charge because I told him flat out that I couldn't afford to pay the original amount and that I was on my way to church. I'm just glad he didn't think I had an onion in my pocket so I could start crying and giving him a sob story.

Lesson learned: If you're gonna try to have an onion in your bedroom to prevent getting more sick at least take a shower as soon as you wake up.

My dream last night

I'm not sure if it was something I ate before I went to bed or what but my mind was racing and I felt like I was tossing and turning given the dream I had.

I was dreaming that I was in something like a sorority house because there was a bunch of girls and myself in the home and it was late at night. I didn't even recognize any of them but we were just all about the house doing our thing. And to you guy readers, no we were not having a tickle or pillow fight in our panties. Gosh I hate that word! ...Moving on... All of a sudden I could 'sense' that there were guys outside the house and I could smell trouble. In my mind (in the dream) I kept saying to myself, 'Oh this is like the last time they were here' and I was trying to prevent anything worse happening since the last time. I don't know what happened last time but I knew they didn't come in the house but they were just harrassing and scaring us. However, this time the guys did start coming in the home. Thankfully they didn't have any weapons or I don't remember it in the dream but I could just sense tension in my body and in my dream.

Now that I'm thinking back on it I feel like it was the dorm house that I stayed at when I was at Great Lakes Christian Highschool. With that, I remember going up the stairs to the top level on the 3rd floor and calling for help.

....and the first person I called was Hope. Why wouldn't I call the police? I don't know but my thinking process went like this - Hope, call Hope tell her to get Darcy here! How did the conversation go? Something like this:

Hope: 'Hello?'
Becky: 'Hope, tell Darcy and Darren to get here and bring their guns!'
Hope laughs.

Then I woke up with my last thought being that Darcy and Darren need to bring their guns. Yes, that's how we should solve all our problems...... ;-)

Ways to wake up in the morning

This morning I was on my way to work and I was on a side street turning left onto a busy street. The traffic was really busy heading the direction I needed to go so I was waiting patiently till there was a break. At this point I was still in my quiet mode after just waking up and was at least alert. Thankfully, or the events that were about to happen would've ruined me for who knows how long.

I'm not sure why but a City of Calgary truck driver decided he needed to take a left onto the street I was waiting at. Granted, its fair that he can choose to drive wherever he may, however, the clincher is that he had a large bed attached to the back of him and it was VERY long. As soon as I saw what was about to happen (him taking a left), my first thought was 'man, this guy is going to need some of my driving space to take this tight turn.' With that thought I started to back up so he could sneak in there but the more I backed up the closer his bed got to the front end of my car. The only way for me to stop the driver from proceeding was to slam on my horn to let him know that he was about to (literally) drive over my vehicle. As much as my vehicle is an SUV I totally think that truck could've ridden over me!

All of it was happening so fast and with me driving backward without looking where I was going because I was so busy making sure he didn't hit me I ended up on the sidewalk! Another thought going through my head was my trip to Ontario flashing before me and not being able to go because of this accident.

Thankfully there was no one walking on the sidewalk where my car was now parked or a lamp post or even a car was in my way. I would've been hooped!! My heart was beating SO fast and thankfully no one was hurt but I had to take a few moments to collect myself before proceeding on my way. Also, the driver stopped and get out of his truck to see if he did anything. At that point I realized that he could've hit me and not known otherwise. I wasn't upset at him I was just worked up a little and told him everything was fine.

I'm sure there are more pleasant ways to wake up in the morning but this happened to be the events of today. May you never have to wake up like I did today!!

Church Part #4 - Praise Team

One of the pleasures I have participating in church is that of singing on the Praise Team. Aside from the fact that I love to sing, its nice to be a part of something that contributes to Sunday morning service and giving praises to God through song. One advantage I feel that I find a blessing is having the opportunity to face the congregation and see their faces. I'm more of a personable, outreach person that likes to see people's faces not just the back of people's heads or the big screen in front of me.

I was standing in front of everyone this morning and seeing all the familiar faces is so encouraging. Once in a while I will make eye contact with one person or another and then we smile. It's silent communication at the same time of praising God together. How special is that? In fact, some people try to make me laugh since I'm up front and no one else see's the faces people will make but the other members get to see my face turn red and trying not to laugh. At that point I'm mainly mouthing the words since I'm trying to control my laughter.

I also have the pleasure of seeing what's going on through the service as well. A few months ago I was standing up front and we were singing a song shortly after the children were dismissed and I enjoyed having, well really, front row seat to what was about to happen. To my left was Aisling G. singing away while her husband sent their triplet boys out to class. During about the second verse I saw one of the triplets (followed by another) running down the aisle looking for mom. Unfortunately they were on the other side of the auditorium from their mom so I had the pleasure of seeing them run up and down the aisle's yelling, 'Nope! Not this one!' until they finally saw her. Of course, it was about that time that Stephen came strolling in after them and then they proceeded back to bible class. Oh what memories and no one gets to enjoy those little moments but us up front.

Ah, family. We're a part of it whether we want to or not. We meet each Sunday and I'm so blessed to see everyone's familiar faces.

Some days....

I would like to come home to somebody.

Some days.

I can do all things

Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

How do you read this scripture? For the longest time I don't think I fully understood it and even now I probably don't get the complete concept but at this point in my life I would like to say that I feel I'm living it.

For example, in a week I plan to make a trip across Canada and the US by myself in my car. I am heading to Ontario to spend some time with my mom who will be having some surgery and I want to support her and be there for her. Thankfully I've been given the opportunity to have my own business and can take as much time as I can afford to do this.

Not for once have I questioned planning this trip and to weigh the cost of flying vs driving was quite a difference and so I just automatically decided that I would make the treck with me and my car. For some, however, its quite surprising to them that I would take on such an adventure and by myself I might add. I'm not sure if I'm used to being by myself or I am living the above scripture statement. I've been more surprised at people's reactions to me driving by myself or saying how they would be scared/hesitant/nervous to do such a thing.

To me, I'm just doing what I need to do to be where I need to be. It's that simple. I know this is a small example compared to other scenarios of what it means to do 'all things' but its the principle of the matter. I just know I need to have confidence in God and that He is by my side through any challenge that I face.

There are many examples I could show but that might lead to me exposing myself in ways that are meant for me, God and ....Hope. haha

Can I do all things? Yes, I can be put to a challenge but if it wasn't for God by my side I wouldn't be as confident. If anything, no matter what happens I know that He is there for me and its me and Him at the end of the day.

House Sitting Story #5

I was tempted to write this blog at the time of its actual occurance but I couldn't muster up the strength to explain the chaos around me. Well, chaos? I guess its subjective since now that I look back on it all is well.

This past summer....actually, let me back this up to March give or take a month. One Sunday morning Chris Bailey was walking past me on her way somewhere but asked me if I would be willing to housesit for them in July for the whole month. Seeing as she was on a mission somewhere and the first words out of my mouth when someone asks me a question is 'yes' that was my exact response. Then, of course, my hesitation creeps up after the toothpaste is out of the tube (me saying yes) and the memories flood back of all the incidences that have happened the last 4 out of 4 times while looking after someone's house.

I usually don't ask for details prior to committing to something because in my mind I'm thinking, 'they need me and I am available to help them out.' I'm sure I should discuss this matter with my therapist and get to the root of that issue but that's for another day....haha. Anyway, the Bailey's planned a trip to Africa for a month and since she was asking far enough in advance I thought that was thoughtful on her part. I did warn her of the fiasco's as of late but interestingly enough it didn't seem to bother her.

Needless to say I resided in their home for a month but I guess I did it so I can now write another housesitting story. Sigh. I've also come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter how long I stay at a place, it is just guaranteed that something will happen. It's only a matter of time. The event usually takes place close to when the owner is coming back home, I've discovered. Not sure if its a test to how I handle the stress of making sure everything is fine when really a tornado hit the place just moments before.

So, back to the story, my responsibilities at the Bailey home was to look after their two cats and Orin's ......ugh....snake! He was the scariest part of it considering I had to feed him a dead mouse and yet he was the least of my problems. One of the guidelines that Chris mentioned to me was that they recently had some stairs installed to their back deck. These aren't just a few steps stepping out into the backyard, this was a winding staircase so it was a flight of stairs. She also mentioned that the cats are indoor cats yet one of them (Dustbunny) would tend to head for the stairs and wander into the backyard.

Gosh, I didn't even know the cats name till the 'incident' happened. No offence but its not like I talked to it much while I was there and for sure didn't call it by name so there was no need for me to remember 'Dustbunny.' Coming from the other side of it now....I do. So, at some point during the hot sunny days, I decided to sit out on the back deck or cook dinner on the BBQ and that's when DB (Dustbunny) would attempt to go down the stairs. Following that would be me running after her/him (I don't know) and picking 'it' up to take it back inside. Now, me talking to a cat is like talking to brick wall in my opinion. What is the point? I tried to talk to it like a child and remind it that going down the stairs was a 'No-No'. Did it listen? NO! How many times do I have to say 'no' and you will listen. I felt like I was talking to some ex-boyfriends! haha

Well, it was near the end of my stay and the Baileys were due back home on the Monday. The Wednesday before I had used the BBQ and shut the back door but didn't lock it. I forgot that you needed to lock it for the door to stay shut as the latch wouldn't click on its own. Later that night (at 11pm) I was in the dining room on my laptop and needed to change the laundry, when I came back I noticed that the door to the deck was open. That dang cat got out!! Now, its 11pm and dark which it had just turned given setting sun so late....of all times, why at 11!! So, I ran down the stairs to see if I could find this white ball of furr and of course, no.

At first I wasn't too worried thinking it would come back right away or the next day. When it didn't show up the next day worry started to set in. How am I suppose to tell the family of my happenings? And my next thought was....'dumb cat'! Then, of course, my facebook friends were making it worse by saying that a coyote probably got it. Well, either way to me it was dead because if the coyote didn't get it and it came back I would've gotten it myself. Why do I let a cat get to me. A cat! I walked around the neighbourhood a few times with treats in my hands calling for it and nothing.

The one funny part was that I told a friend about my situation and his response was, 'You have a snake and two cats and one cat went missing? I'm no Sherlock Holmes but the first place I'd look is where the snake is!'

Anyway, I broke the news to the family and they seemed okay about it....or they were just playing it up so I didn't feel so bad. They came home, posted some flyers and sure enough the cat was across the street at a neighbours house. Dumb cat.

The crazy part of all of it is that they still want me to housesit again! I don't know how that works but knowing how I work....I'll probably sign myself up for another week or two of trouble. Next time though, the cat will be on a leash.

I would like to say this will be the last housesitting post but for some reason I doubt that is the case. Until next time.....

Being blessed

Well, I have to say that I truly think the Lord is taking care of me. Time and again I will worry about how to pay bills or when or where I'll find my next painting 'gig' and sure enough everything seems to fall into place. I would have to say that I am living proof of Matthew Chap 6. Do not worry about tomorrow....etc, etc.

I went out on a limb to start my own business and He has provided for me. I haven't needed to advertise and all of my business has been through word-of-mouth. Thank you Lord. You're good to me and I wish I could hear you more instead of talking all the time with my requests!

Waffle Nights

Years ago when I was a young girl the preacher and his family invited me and my family over to their place for a waffle night. I never heard of a waffle night before especially since I've only had waffles at breakfast time. Strange. Waffles at night. How can that be?

It was so great! I loved it. Other families were invited as well and we would load up our plate with waffles and sprinkle them with an assortment of goodies. Fresh fruit, whip cream and even ice cream! I found it so strange but it tasted SO good.

Needless to say, the memory has stayed with me. So strongly has it stayed with me that I decided to start my own waffle nights and tonight was my first. My guinea pigs were my 'made-up' family consisting of John and Brenda Coghlin and Dale, Susan and Erin Hildebrandt. It was so much fun and so delish!!

I hope to continue the tradition and also make some good use of my new waffle iron!! Let the good times roll!!

Humility

Well, I guess I have more to say about this song from my last post. Again, I just can't seem to get enough of it. Years ago when I heard Mercy Me's song 'I Can Only Imagine' I didn't think another song could match the description of humility. I guess I was wrong.

I wish I could write music or poetry for that matter but alas all you readers will get is blabbering on a screen. I wish I could describe my faith, feelings, hope, amazement and grace into lyrics. The best way I praise God is through song and this song does it for me.

I love the way the writer describes how small we are in comparison to God with us being the shore and Him being the ocean. How vast is that? We are but a drop in the bucket of time and a tiny speck in all of creation yet He chooses to live in our hearts. How amazing! How humbling! How can we not fall to our knees with the power that He exudes and the glory that He is?

I know I keep saying 'humble' or 'humility'. I seem to use it as a blanket to cover a conglomerate of feelings. Well, what do I mean by that? I guess my definition of humility is knowing that although we mess up there's a God in heaven that continues to love us. I've had my share of mess ups and I guess if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be as humbled as I am. I know I wouldn't be. I feel honored that God in heaven, as wonderful as He is, some One that shines so bright we would be blinded by His Light cares enough to send His perfect Son to die so that our imperfect selves can be with Him. How can we not be humbled by that?

Moses was considered to be the most humble man and I don't think he got the title because he had a squeak-clean past. Some times it takes bumps in the road, some bigger more than others to help mold us into who God wants us to become. David was considered a 'man after His own heart'. He wrote wonderful poetry and was devoted to God but we all know his sketchy past as well.

I know I've said this line before but God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. He takes all our experiences and we can use them for good - if we let Him. That's humility.

What Do I Know of Holy?

I heard this song (words written below) on the radio a couple weeks ago but I just can't seem to get enough of it. It is truly humbling and gives a bit of perspective of where I feel I am some times. I could listen to this song over and over. I long to scream it from the mountain tops but the whisper in my heart is louder than that with the longing to understand of 'What do I know of Holy?'

The song reminds me of Job and his struggle. Throughout the book of Job his friends tell him, ask him, and challenge him of what He might have done to deserve the punishment given. Through the loss of children, enduring excruciating pain of boils to the point of sitting on ashes and to top it off his wife adds fuel to the fire by telling him to curse God and die. Although he undergoes all of that he still does not sin. However, God’s response to him begins in chapter 38.

The LORD Speaks

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:
2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
3 Brace yourself like a man;I will question you, and you shall answer me.
4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand.
5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?

The Lord continues to question Job’s knowledge and challenges him for another 3 chapters to which Job’s humble response is given in Chapter 42. Talk about humbling!

Who are we to challenge God? He has plans for us and we are so arrogant to put Him in a box or make Him out to be something of far lesser value than He is or deserves. We want control of Him and sift through the Word for what we want to hear and not what we need to hear.

It reminds me of another passage which is one of my favorites.
Isaiah 40:12-31

The Lord asks all these questions putting us in our place of who we are and how big He is. Yet He concludes with (I want to quote the NLT version as I love how its put):

27 O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?

O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?

28 Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

29 He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

30 Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.

31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Isn't that amazing?! How can we not have confidence in our God?! What blessed assurance!


What Do I Know of Holy?
By Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?

And a God who gave life "its" name?

What do I know of Holy?

Of the One who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your name

On earth and heaven above

What do I know of this love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6J5TzSE_18

Mooney Moments

Well, its the last night that I will be a nanny for the Mooney girls. For those that don't know what is going on, James and Nicola Mooney won a contest to be a part of a reality show called 'My Rona Home'. The show airs Oct 4th, City TV Calgary, 8pm (http://www.citytv.com//toronto/show/micro/44002--my-rona-home). The idea is that they will be competing against another couple to build a house (from drywall inward right down to pillows on the bedspread). Due to the commitment they needed ón set' they needed a full time babysitter, enter mio!

Over the last month I've been able to gain a couple friends (Maggie, age 2, and Lyla, age 5 months, even though Lyla doesn't know it), laugh alot, and truly appreciate the responsibilities that a mother has to carry. I am considering writing another blog that pertains to motherhood all on its own as right now I just want to reflect and praise the Mooney family.

I have to say, Maggie and Lyla made the adventure easy with Maggie's bubbly attitude and Lyla's relaxed nature. I didn't have any sleepless nights with either of them and I think that is half the battle. As much as I will see them frequently (church and social events), there's nothing like spending one-on-one time with each of them.

Remembering Maggie Moments
I will miss:

1. The way she says my name - Bucky!
2. The way she says her name (emphasis on the 'M') - Mmmmmaggieee Mmmmmoooneyyyy!
3. When she would like something she will say 'but I love it SO much!'
4. Singing Itsy Bitsy Pider, Building up the Temple and all the other favorites of hers
5. Asking me to sing Itsy Bitsy Pider and saying, 'Sing it again Bucky, sing it again!'
6. Showing me how MUCH she loves Dora and Diego! (I think I almost called her Dora once)
7. The way she says, 'Swiper no swiping'and Áw, man!
8. Cuddling with her on the rocking chair when she missed her mommy and daddy!
9. The way she'd always wake up with a smile on her face and so happy to see me even if I wasn't mommy or daddy!
10. The way she loves her sister Lyla.
11. When I put on a pair of Lyla's pants on her. They fit, they just looked like capri's and Nic had to tell me they weren't Maggie's!
12. The way she rubs your arm when you read to her.
13. When she wants you to read the Dora book for the umpteenth time and she never tires of it!
14. When I ask if she'd like to do something and she says, Óh, good idea!
15. When she was talking to her shovel and asking if it wanted to slide down the slide and its response was (from Maggie), Óh, Good Idea!'
16. The way she would run to mommy and daddy when they came home!

Remembering Lyla Moments
I will miss:

1. Feeding her late at night some nights and she is half asleep. So peaceful.
2. The way she laughs. Her smile is going to break hearts!
3. Snuggling with her and she's so content.
4. Her big eyes!
5. Listening to her scratch the side of the crib at night.
6. The way she will wake up some times and not say a word, no crying, just laying there with big eyes open. So precious!
7. Listening to her talk away (that happened just this past week only).
8. The way she doesn't fuss when big sister Maggie gets right up in her face and loves her to bits.
9. The way she sleeps.

I can't believe I was only here a month. Could you imagine if I were here longer!? I'm sure I have more moments but they will be locked in my head and heart forever. Those Mooney girls are precious and it's been a priviledge.

Remembering James & Nic Moments
I will miss (there weren't many as I didn't spend near as much time with them as the girls):

1. Seeing how much they laugh together.
2. Seeing how much they make each other laugh.
3. Seeing them dance. Wow!
4. Seeing James in a mullet!
5. Seeing them communicate.
6. Seeing them love their girls!
7. Seeing James crash on the couch as soon as the last piece of food was in his stomach.
8. Seeing Nic try to drag James upstairs to bed.
9. Folding their laundry!