2009

Ahhh, just a few more hours until a new year, a new decade, a new beginning. This year I've been able to learn a few things, succeed in some and fail in others. I know I have alot more to learn and thankfully there is more room to grow.

It's funny, I was just watching ET Canada and they are saying that they will be throwing the biggest party in the nation (in Niagara Falls). Wow! Biggest party in the nation? Cool. Then they mentioned that the big band names like Styx and Glass Tiger. Hmmmm.... really? Glass Tiger? I remember seeing them in Windsor when I was a kid and they were giving a free concert. Good to see nothing has changed with them....haha

Well, all the best to everyone and I hope to achieve some goals (aka resolutions). I won't tell what they are but all I ask is that you not ask me for any favors. ;-)

Party it up peeps!

One of my vice's

Tonight I went into Michael's to look for a specific book tonight and ended up finding a jewel. I didn't find the book I originally went in for but did walk out with a crossword puzzle book. When I saw it I couldn't believe a crossword puzzle book existed of this nature but it did and I got SO excited. It wasn't just any ol' crossword puzzle but it was one the People Celebrity Puzzler. Oh ya baby! I'm so happy.

I know that sounds crazy and silly but its true. If you know me, I love celebrity sleeze and one of the gifts that the Pawlaks gave me was a couple tabloid mags. And really, I could've been content with that alone but such was not the case. If ever you want to cheer me up buying me a People or Us magazine would put a smile on my face and you might even hear a gasp.

Again, you might shake your head thinking I'm a nutball but honestly, that's fine. It doesn't take much to make me happy and that is one way to do it. If anything, the crossword puzzle will be good for my brain anyway since I've heard that it helps with the prevention of Alzheimer's or dimentia.

Anyway, that's my happy story for tonight.

Christmas 2009

This year I spent Christmas at Hope and Darcy's place along with all the kids and a couple dogs. A partridge in a pear tree too it seems...haha. The house was crowded but filled with lots of love and laughter. I spent last year with them too and I love how 'at home' I feel there. I brought Tucker with me (the dog I'm looking after) and he enjoys it there too.

I think one of my favourite gifts they gave me was from Dawson. Hope had typed up a 'gift certificate' saying that it entitled Dawson and I to go on 3 carwash dates (that's our thing we do together) and his dad had to pay. He also had to give me 3 hugs (cuz I ask for one all the time) and I have to sing him a funny song when going through the carwash. It was just the sweetest gift and I love that he enjoys it too. I may not be a mother but I will treasure these moments because before I know it, us going to the carwash won't be 'cool or fun' anymore.

Ahh....hanging out with them is just relaxing and the way its meant to be at Christmas time. Of course, its like that more often then not. Even if we play Settlers and fights break out once in a while. haha ;-) (private joke to others reading this) What I love most about their place is that they have a revolving door. It's amazing and I couldn't imagine their place without it. The Pawlak family is awesome. Extended family too.

This past Sunday they were all at Wendy's after service, along with half the congregation it seemed. It was just great being around family even though not one of them is actually blood-related. I love that feeling and that is what family time is all about.

There are Christmas gifts and then there is time together with family and the latter is far more important and fulfilling.

The irony of God

Last night I participated in our annual Christmas Eve Service at the church I attend. I’ve been going to this service for as many years as I’ve been here given that I wasn’t spending it with family elsewhere. I was also singing on the praise team and briefly someone had mentioned to me how interesting it was to see so many people, many of whom do not regularly attend our Sunday morning service. Of course this is the time of year where many will cross the threshold of church doors that may not do so on a consistent basis.

Seeing all those around me that I may not have seen before got me to thinking….which is why I woke up earlier than expected and am typing this Christmas morning. Yes the presents are fun and I look forward to seeing kids faces light up when tearing open presents but the night before Christmas is just as, if not, more important. No, sorry correction, it is the whole point. Period.

During this time of year we remember, or are suppose to remember why we celebrate this thing called Christmas. Unfortunately, many may not remember or don’t even know why we do. I can only presume that some may know about some baby named Jesus and he was born in a manger. Now, granted, I would love to give people more credit for what they know about the events of Jesus life that have changed history. However, I have an inkling that many may not.

For example, a few years ago I was talking to a co-worker (at the time) and I was talking about Jesus and the crucifixion and his resurrection. I was saying that he died for us because he loves us, etc (I won’t go into detail because that isn’t the point I want to make right now). Then, this person stopped me and asked, ‘Wait. Did Jesus live when people were around?’

Pause. Huh?

There was no sarcasm or humor attached to that question. It was an honest question without knowledge behind it. Although shock didn’t appear on my face it was definitely bouncing about inside me. Maybe it was the Holy Spirit bursting to get out showing that ‘YES’ he was around when people existed and he wants to ‘exist’ in you too!

Anyway, with those types of events that have happened, I can only presume that this person is not the only one who has not connected the dots between Jesus the baby and Jesus the man who died on a cross.

To us though, God is ironic. He is not a King that wants us to die for him in martyrdom so we can have a higher place in heaven like some other religious practices. God is a King who desires to be with us, have a relationship with us and although we aren’t worthy enough to even be in His presence (not presents) He wants to dwell in our hearts. He desires this SO much that He sent His Son to leave heaven where the streets are made of gold to come and spend his first night on earth in a dirty, smelly barn and rest his head for the first time in some hay meant for horse food.

I think, unfortunately, we have heard this story so many times that it has become old-hat to us and the depth and richness of it has worn off. It may even sparkle like the manger did. That’s right. It didn’t sparkle.

The point of all of this is hope. There is hope that in the worst of places to rest your head a sweet child can be born. There is hope in the fact that this same child woud chose to die in the worst of places, ridiculed and spit on for our sake so we can spend eternity with Him.

It reminds me of a song and some of the lyrics go like this:

‘Love will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at its journeys end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow

So hold on,
Love will find you’

Yes, Love will find us. Because God is Love and He is our hope. God will be in the most ironic places. His is thunderous yet can be the whisper in your ear on a lonely night.

He’s closer than you think.

On the Seventh day God rested

You know, some times I can come across pretty smart but then there will be times when I have to shake my head at myself. Lately I have been ....ha,....lately....whatever..... I am constantly busy. Constantly. Who do I think I am? God even took time to rest and I haven't taken time off since....well, I don't really know. Seriously!

I may have been away for a month to go to Ontario and some thought that it was a 'holiday' but if you think that driving for a week, hanging out with my mom in a hospital and seniors home for two weeks and painting for a week a holiday than you need to get out more! As soon as I got back I started working my 3 jobs. If I'm not working then I'm running around or house sitting or something.

So I ask. Seriously. Who do I think I am? I know I need to start to slow down or my body is going to find a way for me to do it. I might have a large ass but it surely isn't lazy. My feet, on the other hand, are exhausted but I have also been standing on them all day.

Tired. So tired today and the week is JUST beginning.

House Sitting #5 & #6

Well, I didn't think I'd have a housesitting story with the number 5 or 6 behind it but who are we kidding; I'm a sucker for punishment. I say #5 & #6 in the same sentence because not only did I go against my vow to NEVER housesit I'm now looking after two places at once!! How or why do I do this to myself?? I swear, my New Year's Resolution is to learn how to say 'no' to requests made of me, regardless of whether there is money attached to it or not. I'm paying some how!

My tales so far have mainly consisted of water and something leaking some where (not from me from something in the house). Of course there was the poo incident with the Hildebrandt's dog as well. With that being said, I guess I have a story to tell already from this experience. I'm sure I have more stories to follow, it is only the beginning of this little 3 week journey or escapade.

Today, I was going to be running around alot (surprise, surprise) and decided that instead of leaving Tucker (the dog I'm looking after) at home or outside in the cold I'd have him tag along with me. One of my little adventures was going to the church building to do some finishing-up painting that I wanted to get done before our Christmas Eve service this Thursday. Now, I've been working on this building for weeks and granted I could've worked faster on it but I also have another job and other happenings (installation of tile) that has taken me away from finishing in the original time I expected. So, I was at the building and the tile and grout are installed which was a big help and finishing touch to compliment the fresh paint and thankfully the tile was installed. I think Tucker was a little excited to be in a new environment and new people giving him extra love and affection. I was on a ladder and all of sudden I heard Meghan C say (she was my assistant today), 'Um....you might want to check on Tucker. He just pood on the floor.'

WHAT?!

Before I go any further, may I tell you that Tucker is a fabulous dog! Fabulous! There are VERY few dogs that I can say that about (just ask Hope) and Tucker is my #1 dog. He doesn't bark, bite or nip at your heels. Ahem.... Carrying on.....

This was quite a surprise to me that he would do such a thing but like I said, he must've been excited to see people. Anyway, for those freaking out right now and are putting words together for giving me a 'talking to' the next time you see me, I cleaned up the mess and sanitized the floor. I'm just glad it was tile on the floor.

So, does that mean the floor is officially 'christened'? And can that actually happen in a Christian 'fully dunking' church??

Things that happen on my lunch break

I was working at Black's Photography today; its one of my part time gigs I have right now and I was heading back to work from my lunch break. I work at the TD Square location which is a part of a mall (for those who don't know). Anyway, I was waiting for the elevator and a guy came up to the elevator as well and just started talking to me. He barely said a few words and then looked at me and said, 'I have to tell you....and I'm not sure why I feel compelled to and I haven't shared this with anyone but I'm so glad to be here right now with the job I have. I just moved here because I left a relationship where my boyfriend used to abuse me.' He then proceeded to tell me ways in which he was abused but it was a short elevator ride and he didn't get into too many specifics.

Well, now, if that doesn't take a girl back a bit.....

At first I wasn't really sure how to take the guy, especially since he had on more eye makeup than myself. A part of me felt bad for him but also glad that he got out of the relationship. We chatted briefly and I asked him if he knew anyone here in Calgary. He said he only has two friends and then commented, 'Well, I'm sure you have tons of friends and here you are listening to me.' My reply was something to the effect of the fact that we were suppose to meet I would love to get together for coffee. He just seemed to want someone to listen to him and he just needed a friend. We introduced ourselves and his name is Chase (for future reference).

Sometimes I think God just sort of drops people in our laps and its up to us to make the choice to grasp it or not. Who knows if the guy is real or not but it doesn't hurt to just listen. How much of an impact can you make on someone and hopefully have Christ shine through.

I'll keep you posted and if anyone is reading this I ask that you throw a prayer up for Chase and that hopefully I can reach out to him.

You know I love you, right?

Tomorrow night at church we are scheduled to have a memorial service for those that have lost loved ones. It's a time to reflect on those gone on before us and how we are without them for the holidays.

At first when I heard about the meeting I thought it was a good idea and only thought about those who have lost loved ones as of recent. However, when the announcement was made at the front a couple weeks ago they mentioned that it is also for those who have loved ones that have never set foot in our building as well. I didn't think it would hit me like it did and tears suddenly came to my eyes. For some, they may not know that I've lost my father and partly because I don't really share it. I don't have family here so no one really knows who is or isn't in my life. Actually, when I thanked the person that said it they didn't realize my father had passed away.

Anyway, I know I don't talk about him or my family much at all and I may not after tomorrow night either. I guess with this evening scheduled it has made me think about him and miss him. Miss his sayings, what I've done since he's passed, miss what our relationship could be like now that I'm more mature and want to invest in relationships. I will admit that when my dad was in the hospital the last 6 weeks of his life, I wanted to avoid the truth. From his diagnosis to his death was a 6week time period so I didn't want to admit that this was 'it'. I would walk past the hospital to go to my bus stop to go to school and I would avoid seeing him. It wasn't until the very end that I spent some time with him and it soon came reality when he would say good-bye to visitors knowing it was literally his last time seeing them.

When he was sick I couldn't look at the pictures of him being well and now that he's gone I can't look at the pictures of him being sick. Those ones are the hardest to see especially since I was face to face with him when he left this world to the next. I'm sure I should take some quiet time and reflect on those 6 weeks again but I just don't know. A part of me wants to just reflect on the memories I have of him but those last moments are just as important.

There are things that make me say some of the things I do today because of my dad. For example, I say to alot of my friends kids, 'You know I love you, right?' Well, I got that from my dad. Every night before I went to bed I would kiss him on the forehead and as I was doing that he'd ask that question. Which, of course, I always knew the answer but it was just his 'way' of saying I love you. I miss that. It was 'his' thing. Or, if he sneezed he would say, 'Scuse you', instead of 'bless me'. Or, if someone came up with a brilliant idea he would say, 'That's a great idea, I'm so glad I came up with that.' He was just so caring and funny.

I wish the people here in Calgary new my dad or my family. So many people from back home know that I'm a 'Hammond' or will come up to me and tell me how much they loved my parents or ask if I'm 'one of the twins'. I don't get that here and I miss that. There's a part of me that exists back home that I don't get here because of the relationships my parents have developed over the years and with him preaching. I miss hearing their stories. I miss hearing about how he was introduced to bible camp since he didn't come from a christian home. He has an amazing story and no one here will get that. Of course, to others he's just another man so they may not even care but to me he was my dad.

Miss ya dad. Wish I could share with you all the things I've accomplished or share with you the things that are yet to come. Wish you could meet the person I'm going to marry or rather I wish he could meet you but one day.

'You're a better man that I am Gunga Din. You're a better man than I am.'

If You Can't Sing, Sing Louder

That's what my brother used to say all the time; he also couldn't carry a note. However, his heart makes up for all the wrong keys he hits and I know the Lord loves him just the same.

This morning in Bible class we were looking at the passage of Psalm 148:13

Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens.

In our discussion we were talking about giving praises to God and the heart that we have when doing so. When singing praises to God our hearts need to be the focus of what we are singing more than hitting the right note. For those that can't sing, you can admit that you can't sing well but when you sing you will sing with all your heart. However, for those that can sing we should not focus on making sure we sound good to those around us for our hearts won't be centred on what the whole purpose of giving praise is all about.

In some ways, I think those that can't sing have the advantage than for those that can sing. Personally, I love to sing. I can sing all day long and I think possibly only twice in my life have I actually gotten tired of singing; one of the times we had been singing for a few hours in the girls dorm in high school.

However, I will also admit that there are times when I'm more focused on how I sound or who is around me that might hear me. In fact, ironically enough, someone handed me a note today during service time commenting on how beautiful I sounded. How nice was that?! I was flattered but then I was quickly reminded of the Bible lesson taught less than an hour before. Were my thoughts focused on the words I was singing rather than the notes? Was I truly giving honor and glory to God? Or was I focused more on 'sounding' good?

I will admit that a few years ago I purposely took myself off the praise team and singing up front because I felt my heart wasn't in the right place. I was centered more on my own satisfaction and gratification than using my gifts to give Him glory.

Like I said earlier, I love to sing but I also know that lately my heart is more centered on doing His will and savouring the words that float across my lips. I may not have complete 100% attention all the time on it but I would say that I've improved. But isn't that our goal? Improvement? We can't reach perfection but I will die trying.

Colossians 3:16, 17
Let the word of Christ dwell in your richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Dear Spa Lady

I saw you in the mall today. You usually show up around this time of year to see if people will join your facility. When I walked by you I didn't realize that you would ask me again. Don't you know me?? I wanted to pretend I didn't see you and you would go away but you are stuck in my head. I want to apologize for ignoring you even though you were so kind.

The truth is, with me ignoring you I'm saving your time and mine. I wish I could just give you a cheque for the 3-year commitment I would make but never actually show up. As much as we both would like to rendezvous together I know that it won't happen on a regular basis. For that to happen you will need to be like Jillian Michaels on The Biggest Loser.

So, alas, let us go our separate ways and when I'm not working my twelve hour days and three jobs and can stay at home because I found my sugar-daddy I will gladly have the wonderful affair that would take place.

Till then, best of luck ....for both parties.

Your Arch Nemesis

Laughing

Laughing, I can't get enough of it and I can do it on a whim. If its truely heartfelt it will be quite the belly laugh too! Some things have just made me bust out laughing tonight and I'm so thankful that it doesn't take much for such to happen. I'm sure I'll live a long life because of it too but at least I'm doing that. The alternative isn't near as much fun!

Usually at the end of the day I'll be laying in bed and think about my day and if something really made me laugh I know I'll just lay there splitting a gut. Or, some times I'll try to tell someone else about the funny I'm laughing at and I can't get it out cuz I'm laughing so hard

My mom used to tell me that when I was a kid I would sit in front of the tv and fall over laughing whenever there was a pie fight on the tube.

Ahhhh, laughter, its the best medicine. Keep it coming!!

Volunteering at church

For the past few weeks I've been painting at the church building but amidst all of that, another part of the renovation is that of tiling the main hallway and wings of the building. I haven't done too much in regards to tiling mainly because I've never done it before and it would be nice if it could look nice after all that hard work.

Tonight, however, was the last 'official' night that was scheduled for tiling and before returning the wetsaw, etc. I planned to just be there to continue my painting which seems to be taking forever but I'm waiting for the tiling to be done since I have to redo some of my work due to splattered thinset and the like. Since there weren't too many helpers tonight and we were pressed for time I decided to put away my paint brush and help with the baseboards.

I have to say, I've been there amongst the men working away but have to admit that one night I had to leave because there was just too much testosterone for my liking. I was a tad outnumbered and didn't want to get in their way but tonight was manageable and quite fun actually. One person that really stood out to me was Chris Brown (not the singer but the one that attends our church...haha). He has been there every night that they were tiling. When he laid his first tile at the building he said to me that he'd only tiled walls before. Well, let me say, that man has laid more tile in the past couple weeks than I probably will in a lifetime. Also, he is funny!!! Maybe its the accent but man he's just a happy, all around good guy. Well done Chris. If anyone is reading this I strongly suggest you pat him on the shoulder and give him kudos to a job well done.

The other thing that has been impressed or pressed (not sure which one) in my mind is that of the Almighty Crack! That's right, the vertical smile. I've never seen so much crack in all my life. I felt like taking pencils and sticking them where the sun don't shine since people kept asking for a pencil and I found the perfect pencil holder! I'm not proud to say this but I've seen a side of some men that I wish to never see again.

Overall, its been a good experience and I can't wait to be done the painting ....as long as they don't muck up the walls after they finish the floor!!

The meaning of Yellow

There's a reason for everything and last night I had the priviledge and honour to celebrate with the Yellow Team of My Rona Home. Although the voters didn't vote for team Yellow and came in 2nd place they have won the hearts of many. The impression and character they have set for others to see will last many years longer than their mortgage. The bonus was a house but having the integrity and sincere demeanor faaarrr outweighs bricks and mortor.

I will say that I've been tempted to write my frustrations with others attitudes during the show and their narrowmindedness but I've also been taught that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. Is it hard? Yes, but I think in this case I'd rather not waste any time on that and focus on the positive side of the whole experience.

I also looked up what the color of yellow means in regards to the psychology of it. Which is:

Yellow shines with optimism, enlightenment, and happiness. Shades of golden yellow carry the promise of a positive future. Yellow will advance from surrounding colors and instill optimism and energy, as well as spark creative thoughts.

Last night it was hard not to focus on the positive side of what has been created; friendships, laughter and a sense of character set for a team that comes in 2nd. I'm so glad I was a part of it. I'm glad that I've been able to create friendships with Maggie and Lyla! They are just so sweet. In fact, Nic told me yesterday that Maggie made a comment about me, 'She's a nice lady.' Well, if that doesn't put a smile on your face!!!

Proud of you Yellow team and may you have many more wonderful memories to create in that house. I'll be praying for you and the people you've made an impression on because of this experience. *You know what I'm talking about.

And yes, Nic, crazy people will do just about ANYTHING to get on reality tv. Well done!! haha ;-)

Lord I want to be Your servant

I was listening to this song tonight and was inspired to write a post. The song is sung by Acappella (Album: Acappella In His Presence) and titled Lord, I want to be Your servant.

I've actually used this song in a lesson I taught years ago at a Ladies Retreat and I'm sure most have heard or sung the song before. The entire song brings me great humility. At first I thought it was just the spoken prayer portion but if you live and breathe the words you will hopefully be moved as I have been. The penned words bring me to tears with the desire in my heart to serve the way He wants me to serve. I may not serve in a Christ-like manner at all times but thankfully I am reminded to strive to serve Him in some sort of fashion on a daily basis. Emphasis on strive. I may not succeed some days but by the grace of God the effort is there. Actually, its more the Holy Spirit working in me that fills me with this great desire for His will to be accomplished.

The portion of the song that pulls at my heart strings is the spoken prayer but really the whole song is my desire to serve Him continually.

Lord I want to be a servant
Giving all my praise to you
Giving all I have to please you Lord
My heart makes pure and true

Lord I want to be a servant
Bring me closer to your will
Father all I want is to serve you more
Make me worthy to serve you still

Spoken Prayer:
Words come slow
When it comes to expressing
My true feelings of humility
My heart's desire to serve
But Lord you've done so much for me through the cross
I just want to give my life, my love
And all my heart back to you
And under the shadow of the cross
Let me hide myself and all that would
Shout out your glory
And allow me to see you
To know who you really are
So that someone else
Can see you through me

I hope you took the time to actually read the words. Not just read them but press them into your heart like I have through mine. Oh, to have others look at us and see Him is such a beautiful picture and I pray that one day He will say to me, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'

The angel looking over me

A part of me feels I should apologize for the way I've been 'acting' lately. Some may not have noticed but possibly by the most recent blog posts or if you've talked with me you may have noticed I've been having some hiccups in my life. To put it lightly.

Well, to be honest, yes I have been experiencing some bumpy roads in my life and in some ways I feel like I'm in a boxing ring trying to get back up but for one reason or another I seem to get knocked back down again. Could it be worse? Absolutely! Could it be smoother? For sure. And I'm the first one to state that 'this too shall pass' and I know it will but I think it is also fair to say that its okay to be down for a bit as long as you don't stay there. Seems I've been down for a while but with the combination of working alot and working hard it doesn't make the load lighter to relieve some stress.

A part of me is just a little stubborn and want to get out of this pit (financially, emotionally, etc) on my own but I've also had to learn to swallow my pride and just plain ask for help. What do I need help with? Well, it could be something as simple as changing one of my light bulbs in my hallway or hanging a shelf but regardless I still need an extra set of hands. I also wish I had someone to fight my battles for me to for when people don't treat me nicely like the guy who took me out for my bday. Some times I just get tired of trying to stand up by myself from being knocked down.

Of course, I do realize that I do have friends that will be there for me when I'm in real need. I know there is Someone looking out for me, loves me, wants the best for me and will provide for me even when I don't think I can do it. A good friend reminded me to only look to today and tomorrow but not worry about next month. God also says we should only look to today and some days that's all I can manage. Today only. God can look after the rest. He always provides.

In some ways I feel like this is a Psalm. David would vent his frustrations but then near the end of the it will turn to God and rely on Him to be his refuge. My words may not be as fancy but this is it.

Onward and upward.....