Saturday, November 28, 2009

Anonymous

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep soul relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But God, to a Christian says:

'No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreserved to Me; with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me and discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, will you have the capability of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desire or longings.

I want you to stop planning. Stop wishing. And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing; one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the very besst. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.

You just wait. That's all.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given them.
Don't look around at the things you think you want.

You just keep looking off and up to Me or you'll miss out on what I want to show you.

And the, when you are ready, I'll surprise you with love far more wonderul than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I'm working this moment to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me and this perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me and enjoy matrimonially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I Am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.'

Lord, you have my heart

Lord, I'm thankful that all your require from me is my heart because that's all I can give. I feel spent in many ways and working too much takes pretty much everything I have. The one thing it can't take is my heart for you and my longing to serve you continually.

It's funny how people won't give You their time and energy because they think you require too much but I feel the opposite. I feel the demand to work hard so I can pay my bills, use my phone, drive my car, put a roof over my head, put food on the table and any other pressure of daily life. If I miss a payment, however, there is a chance that one day someone will be calling me to remind me that I've missed a payment, etc, etc.

However You, Lord, wait patiently for us to return to You. We've turned our backs on You when we don't want You to see what we're doing. We've given up on You when we feel You haven't pulled through on our 'time'. We go to church when its convenient for us and as long as it doesn't interfere with our schedules. We go to church to be encouraged or filled up when really we should be thankful that we have the opportunity and priviledge. We have the freedom to serve You in a free country and we should want to be there because we can serve you together as a family and not just be there to see what 'we' can get out it. You deserve our time.

You give us so much that we take for granted and all You require from us is our heart. Again, I'm so thankful that that is all You require because my works have gotten me nowhere and will never bring me to the place where You dwell.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Girl Boyfriend




I recently found out that one of my friends (CB) and her family will be leaving us shortly. I'm sure it will fly by sooner than I would like but such is life. Life goes on and we must appreciate the times we had together and treasure the moments like special jewels.

I met CB a year ago and didn't think much of meeting someone new. There are many families that have moved up here for work and most of them usually end up staying. Unfortunately such is not the case with the Brown family. Within the last week they were told that they would be transferred back down south with her hubby's job. As much as I am happy for them that they are able to be in a city that were hoping to be transferred to, a part of me will be leaving as well and so I say good bye with a tear in my eye. Actually two. One is a happy tear for them and a sad tear for me.

I didn't think that I could connect with someone so quickly as I have with CB and I'm so grateful and thankful for a gift of friendship that has been planted and continues to grow. I gave CB the title of my 'Girl Boyfriend' a while ago and its more a private joke between us that no one will really get except for CB and I, but that's okay. It isn't meant for others to get.

CB, you have been an inspiration, a light, a friend, a confidant, a singing partner, a shoulder, a date and most of all, a God-send. You are an amazing woman with a beautiful attitude and perspective. I hate to see you leave but I know I will treasure our short memories together for a lifetime. I'll try to visit you at some point but in the mean time, stay true to who you are for you will brighten anyone's day.

Tears/Cheers to you my dear friend.
'What happens in the nail room, stays in the nail room.'

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lately.....

I can't believe I've been back in Calgary a week already. So much has happened in the last week that it just amazes me what can be accomplished or what can happen in a short amount of time. Thankfully. Seems I've been running short on the patience and at the beginning of the week I was drained before it even started.

When I got back from my trip some things didn't turn out the way I had expected or other things were happening but, regardless of which, I felt I was behind the 8-Ball. I'm not sure if it was a combination of that and the fact that my emotions were high with leaving family and coming back to my home but it seemed a little overwhelming. I couldn't keep the tears from falling and big question marks were coming up for every question that ran through my head. I won't get into specifics one because not everyone needs to know all the details and also.....or two, some times I'd rather just leave that in the past.

The things I have learned from my little episode is that I have loving friends who will be there for me and help me out when I feel I'm running on empty. I've also learned more about the relationship I have with God. In asking the age-old 'why' question to God with fists raised to the ceiling I've had the attitude of 'why is this happening to me' or 'when will it be my turn'. However, this time my attitude was more of knowing that my time is coming, its just not right now or the fact that I need to rely on God and have stronger faith more than ever. As much as I was crying my heart out with all this uncertainty I had a sense of peace knowing that God was there and this is another trial I need to overcome to reach another level of intimacy with God.

Lately I've been repeating to myself a phrase that I try to keep in the forefront of my mind. It's not the trial itself that is the challenge but it's how you handle it that helps you have a better understanding of what the outcome will be. The outcome may not be what you wanted but the greater challenge is your attitude towards the answer. Or, I may not understand why things are happening in my life the way they are but regardless of that, I know that I need to keep my focus on God and have a stronger faith that He will get me through it.

To be honest, there were some things that were happening financially and I wasn't sure how things were going to get done but with a little bit of prayer and humility things are on their way of working themselves out. All I know is that I can only do my best and keep God first in my life, live for Him and serve others and He will take care of tomorrow.

Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Longing for home

I guess this blog is not just for telling funny stories of my happenings in life but also reflective moments as well. This happens to be one of them. Since I spent a good 3 solid days in my car driving to and from Ontario recently I've had time to think.....alot.

Leaving Calgary a month ago I knew that I'd be back in a month's time and everything would be the same and I'd just continue on as if I'd never left. When I got home (the place I grew up) and saw the familiar faces again it made me feel like I was 'home'. People are the same just with a few more wrinkles, places are the same just a little more worn down and other things that I haven't seen before but still, a sense of home.

I also had the opportunity to go back to the town where I went to highschool. I stayed in the dorm there and developed many friendships that have definitely lasted a life time. Again, another home. Familiar faces, places and rekindled friendships.

In some respects the thought of moving back 'home' came more times than not considering that time with my mom is becoming more precious and few. I thought about what it would be like if I moved back. Where would I move? Who could I develop relationships with that could be stronger than what they are now? Where is my place here?

I will be honest and say that it was sort of hard to leave and seriously considered staying another month. I was away the duration of a month and I honestly couldn't get done all that I needed to do. As most people know, I'm a personable person and I'm all about relationships, building them, making them and keeping them. For example, I connected with people that I went to grade school with and when we reconnected on Facebook we decided to get together again.

As much as I am willing to say it was a 'struggle' to come back to my Calgary home I have to also say that I am quite blessed. To be loved by so many people in different areas geographically is something special. There are some that can't even say they have one home to belong to. I have many but thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ and His Church. If it wasn't for being a part of the different congregations throughout the years I wouldn't have near as many connections as I do. But I do struggle with where I am to be. Where do I fit in? Sure I have lots of friends and connections but where do I stand? Where am I needed? Who needs me? Not my services and what 'talents' I can bring to the table but who really needs me for just being me and wanting to just hang out with....me?? I'm not looking for attention, I'm looking for relationship and the sense of belonging.

Which brings me to my final home. Heaven. Oh, how I long for the day to finally be able to rest in a dwelling place that I can call home and not be torn with being somewhere else. Reminds me of the age-old hymn, This world is not my home I'm just a passing through. My treasures are laid up some where beyond the blue.

The more I think of it, the more I truly feel about who I am as the title of my blog. The constant nomad.

Maybe I'm suppose to have that longing for something more. Maybe God created in us a sense of longing that only He can provide. Well, I think He did. He is the only one that can complete us and fill the void of longing to its complete fullness.

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for. ~ Robert Browning

Cross Country Trip 2009

Things I've learned from my trip driving across Canada and the USA:

  • My Honda CRV rocks the house for making such a big trip
  • My Honda CRV and I need a break from each other
  • If all other jobs don't work out my next gig will be a truck driver given that I can do long distance driving
  • I can drive at least 3km with my knee (only on the TransCanada, in a straight line and no one else is around)
  • I can do stomach and butt exercises while sitting in the driver seat
  • Oriental people drive slow in any city, province, state or country
  • Driving across Sask is dry and boring
  • Driving across North Dakota is dry and boring
  • Driving across Minnesota is dry and boring
  • Wisconsin is a beautiful state but have weird (or different) ways of naming their highways
  • I love Chicago (minus the traffic)
  • When singing praises to God I must keep at least one hand on the wheel (unless point #4 applies)
  • There is ample time to talk with God