My little rant of irony at its finest

So, I've started this little business of mine with painting walls and nails. I'm lovin' it! I can't believe I get paid to do this!! I always said I would never own my own business and here I am doing it on my own and just working my butt off trying to make ends meet. In both scenarios (painting people's houses or having people come to my house to get their nails done) I get to meet new people, chat with them, get to know about their lives and see how they live, etc. Hopefully I can use this as a ministry and be an example to my clients and show Christ through this job. It's good for my soul. I didn't realize how much I didn't like sitting at a desk!!

However, the irony in it all is that now that I've started this new adventure I've started to get tingling in my hands and arms. Not because I'm SO excited but because that's mainly what I use all day - from the shoulders down to my finger tips. Pretty much, I'm getting carpal tunnel and it SUCKS! I feel like breaking out in song with Alanis Morrisette's song Ironic. I LOVE what I do. I don't know if I could do this forever as its taxing on the body, I tend to change jobs often..... and I'm still looking for my knight in shining armour to wisk me away so I don't have to work anymore and just travel. But I'm learning lots and am proud of the work I've done! Ya! I'm proud! I think I'm doing well.

Any suggestions on how to prevent carpal tunnel or get the tingly feeling away?? I'm doing some exercises that I saw on You Tube and have taken some Tylenol but any suggestions would be great!!

Yes Man

I had an opportunity a few weeks ago to catch the flick 'Yes Man' starring Jim Carrey. The movie wasn't too bad but I think the message was much greater. Lately I'm becoming more of a movie buff and I try to get hidden messages out of them, which I quite enjoy. There's always a message....you just have to find it.

With Yes Man, not that I want to spoil it for those that haven't seen it, is about a man that goes to some 'Yes' seminar and shows how things change in his life when he starts saying yes to things.

I think I am a Yes Woman! If I hadn't said yes, I wouldn't have gone on the Acapulco cruise by myself and met some wonderful friends I will have for life. And, of course, been able to sing on stage as Madonna and have a cd of it! ha! If I hadn't said yes (with the help of Hope P), I wouldn't have explored Greece, Italy and Turkey and been completely moved by the countryside of Tuscany. I need to go back there too because I left my heart there. It's there somewhere....I just have to find it! ;-)

I hope I am a Yes Woman to look at opportunities with a gleam in my eye and experiences that I never would've imagined. I have another opportunity to possibly go to Paris next May and I'm completely excited about it but I'm a little concerned with finances. I'm not sure how long this painting gig will last but I'm willing to make an effort to try and say 'yes'. The confidence and strength I'll get along the way as I take each step. Trust me, I tread lightly on some adventures, especially when travelling by myself but I've made it through this far and I've lived to tell the stories.

Oh, what does the Lord have planned next......

It's Not You, It's Me. Or rather. It's Not Me, It's You.

Ironically, or possibly, coincidentally my last posting stated that I want God to use me. That this was my desire to the core of my being. If He needs to use me than I need to be willing to be pliable to His will and calling. I guess this past week I've been truly tested on such a statement. As some (or most) of you know, another one of my desires is to have a special relationship with a man. I'm sure its obvious to most and by all rights, its fair that I have that desire since I am 35 and have never been married. Nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed of what God has placed on my heart.

A few weeks ago, I also had the pleasure of telling my friends that I started dating a great Christian man. Someone that loves the Lord and wants to serve Him daily. Great! That's the strongest characteristic that I am attracted to and finally (exhaling) I've met someone. My strategy was treading lightly for fear of it vanishing quicker than it started and for not ending up with a wounded heart as I have in the past. Unfortanely (or maybe fortunately, depending how you look at it) a part of my caution came true. It has ended quicker than it started but thankfully my heart is healing faster than in the past. (If I can write this then I'd say I'm at the end of my 'road to recovery')

I will be honest and say that even less than a week ago I was wondering why God allowed such a man to come into my life just to be taken away again but I find myself more at peace with it daily. As much as I would like to be in a relationship I think there were lessons that needed to be learned for both of us even if it didn't turn out the way I had hoped.

In short, I received the 'It's not you, it's me' speech. It took a 'short relationship' for him to figure this out and as much as the bitter side of me could retort, 'ya, sure, at my expense' I know that I have learned a great deal myself. I wish I could've been a part of someone's happiness but that isn't right now. Not for him anyway. The only way for me to turn this into something positive is to look to God and sift the good out of it and not focus on the negative. I have to. It's the only way I want to live and by golly I choose not to be a bitter spinster!! lol

If his lesson was to realize that he's not emotionally capable of having a relationship right now and needs to focus on God and his family, how can I argue that? Kudos to him for not making me his priority and putting God on the back burner. Granted, there was a sting or two but knowing that he is desiring God first then I can't complain and wish him my deepest blessings. I hope for peace in his life and that God will use him to the potential that God has created in him.

I would say that my lesson was to know that I can stand up for myself and stand up to the plate when truly tested. I so desire to do God's will stronger than my desire is to be with someone. I've learned that I can keep God first and respect all three parties, have a God-honoring relationship and set boundaries where they need to lie. I purposely wanted a hedge around my heart and not let go until the right time as much as I would love to open it to a God-centered relationship. And even though my friends have told me time and again I am slowly realizing that - gosh darn it...I am a good catch! Anyone would be lucky to have me! I can be funny when need to be, serious, goofy, caring, giving and serving. I'm not saying this to toot my horn for all to see but more to show that I am gaining the confidence in myself and not let my insecurities get the best of me. I have alot to offer and one day some one special (and smart) will realize that. In God's time.

I've been saying that I've been praying for patience for 15+ years now. So, as much as I started this blog with the title to refer to my past relationship I now realize that it is all coming back to God. It isn't about me but IS all about Him.

My Desire

Over the last few weeks I've been listening to Jeremy Camp's song, My Desire, and I can't seem to get enough of it. The more I listen to it, the more it pulls me in and truly expresses how I feel about .....well, my desire.

Most of you know me well enough to know that to the core of my being I continue to strive to serve God and do His will. I feel my tongue is not eloquent enough to express how I feel about this desire, my longing to fulfill His purpose and to continually live my life for Him. I'm sure I'll also edit this a few times over the next while to effectively communicate how this song emulates who I strive to be. Many of you could probably write a far better speech about this but I guess that is where my I feel I relate to singing and songs. The line that stands out for me the most is in the bridge where it says that 'There's not much I can do to repay all You've done, So I give my hands to use'. That's me. Right there. If there is anything that I can give then it would be my hands. In service and in praise.

Yes, I may struggle. Yes, I may doubt. Yes, I may question. But at the end of the day I know that He is with me and wants the best for me. He loves me enough to want to spend the rest of my eternity with Him. Despite all my faults and failures. Despite all of them. Praise God!

I know I don't have much to offer, Lord, but what I can offer is my hands, my heart, my life and hopefully be all that You have wanted me to become.

My Desire

by Jeremy Camp

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside

You want to be someone laying down your pride

You want to be someone someday

Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside

You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today

Then lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return

This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be emptied inside

And I know my heart is to feel You near

And I know my lifeIt's to do Your will

It's to do Your will

This is my desire, this is my return

This is my desire, to be used by You

This is my desire, this is my desire

To be used by You

All my life I have seen

Where You've taken me

Beyond all I have hoped

And there's more left unseen

There's not much I can do to repay all You've done

So I give my hands to use

This is my desire, this is my return

This is my desire, to be used by You

This is my desire, this is my desire

To be used by You

House Sitting Story #2

It was about a year ago at this time that I encountered my next house sitting disaster experience. I hadn't house sat since my winter wonderland escapade and I thought that since it was the summer time I was in the free and clear of frozen pipes and ice cold water-damaged basements. Well, guaranteed there were no frozen pipes but a house sitting disaster did await me!

I thought that since I had a number of house sitting jobs and one frozen water pipe under my belt I was doing pretty good and the last experience was a 'once-in-a-lifetime' so I shrugged it off my back. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Says Karma or whatever darkcloud that was about to loom over my head!

My house sitting responsibilities also included taking care of the Hildebrandt's dog Max. Now, I don't know what kind of dog he was and forgive my ignorance but as you know from two postings ago, I'm not crazy about dogs so for me to actually KNOW what type of dog he was would be an amazing feat. Just be glad I have the gender correct. Of course the name sort of gives it away!

Now, I've been over the Hildebrandt's house numerous times so for me to look after Max, get the mail and sleep there was no biggie. Max was just another member of the Hildebrandt's and it was the least I could do for them as they travelled to Vancouver Island for a few day get-away. How hard could looking after a dog be. Mind you, Max was blind so he needed a little help up a flight of stairs and things like that but still....no biggie.

Well, I guess the Hild's hadn't been away from him since he had gone blind so he was a little distraught with not knowing (or seeing) where his family had gone. I think 'distraught' is a little understated considering the next few days I had with him. My job was to let Max out in the morning before work (7am) and again when I got home about 5pm. At that time I was typically working late so I made sure I was home in time to let him out of his kennel.

The first evening I got there he had 'messed' in the kennel and I figured that I was just late and he couldn't hold it any longer. Tsk! Tsk! On me! However, when it happened the next day,.....and the next day I was getting a little frustrated given that I was leaving work early to MAKE SURE I was getting home in time. I then realized that he was more just upset because his family had gone but continually I had to rush home and get him out of his kennel even though he had made a mess in it and didn't need outside. Well, Max needed outside but it was more to hose him down from sitting in his own mess all day.

I say 'mess' cuz its better than the alternative but more, also, out of respect for Max. Even though he did pass away a couple months ago. RIP Max.

Finally about the 4th day of me having to hose down Max, his kennel, mop the floor because the pathway from his kennel to the backdoor left a nice treadmark and drippings I was getting worked up myself. I finally caved when I was in the backyard with Max cleaning out his kennel and I stepped on a bee. I started screaming and crying because each day seemed worse then the last and didn't think looking after a dog would be SO hard! So, I ran into the house a mess with crap on me, a stinger in my foot, and to top it off I scared Max something awful so he was outback crying himself. We were just two crazy messes and nothing to show for it but crap on ourselves.

The Hild's didn't have the best holiday either since Susan had hurt her back and was laid up in a hotel room (instead of camping which was the initial intent...haha...get it....'in tent'.....just thought of that). Anyway, it was a trip that is worth remembering....sort of....and on my list of experiences I wish to not endure again.