Longing for home

I guess this blog is not just for telling funny stories of my happenings in life but also reflective moments as well. This happens to be one of them. Since I spent a good 3 solid days in my car driving to and from Ontario recently I've had time to think.....alot.

Leaving Calgary a month ago I knew that I'd be back in a month's time and everything would be the same and I'd just continue on as if I'd never left. When I got home (the place I grew up) and saw the familiar faces again it made me feel like I was 'home'. People are the same just with a few more wrinkles, places are the same just a little more worn down and other things that I haven't seen before but still, a sense of home.

I also had the opportunity to go back to the town where I went to highschool. I stayed in the dorm there and developed many friendships that have definitely lasted a life time. Again, another home. Familiar faces, places and rekindled friendships.

In some respects the thought of moving back 'home' came more times than not considering that time with my mom is becoming more precious and few. I thought about what it would be like if I moved back. Where would I move? Who could I develop relationships with that could be stronger than what they are now? Where is my place here?

I will be honest and say that it was sort of hard to leave and seriously considered staying another month. I was away the duration of a month and I honestly couldn't get done all that I needed to do. As most people know, I'm a personable person and I'm all about relationships, building them, making them and keeping them. For example, I connected with people that I went to grade school with and when we reconnected on Facebook we decided to get together again.

As much as I am willing to say it was a 'struggle' to come back to my Calgary home I have to also say that I am quite blessed. To be loved by so many people in different areas geographically is something special. There are some that can't even say they have one home to belong to. I have many but thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ and His Church. If it wasn't for being a part of the different congregations throughout the years I wouldn't have near as many connections as I do. But I do struggle with where I am to be. Where do I fit in? Sure I have lots of friends and connections but where do I stand? Where am I needed? Who needs me? Not my services and what 'talents' I can bring to the table but who really needs me for just being me and wanting to just hang out with....me?? I'm not looking for attention, I'm looking for relationship and the sense of belonging.

Which brings me to my final home. Heaven. Oh, how I long for the day to finally be able to rest in a dwelling place that I can call home and not be torn with being somewhere else. Reminds me of the age-old hymn, This world is not my home I'm just a passing through. My treasures are laid up some where beyond the blue.

The more I think of it, the more I truly feel about who I am as the title of my blog. The constant nomad.

Maybe I'm suppose to have that longing for something more. Maybe God created in us a sense of longing that only He can provide. Well, I think He did. He is the only one that can complete us and fill the void of longing to its complete fullness.

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for. ~ Robert Browning